Author: admin

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,

“Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes

and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”

but there is no reply…..

He sent another text,

“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”

this time ,

She sent this text back, “OMG really?”

Husband replied, :

“No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”

Read more: A thief entered a house mid-afternoon.

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewellery and money.

Man started sobbing and said, “Brother, you take anything you want but please untie the rope and free her.”

Thief: “You really love your wife!!”

Man: No, she is my neighbor’s wife. Mine will arrive shortly.

A drunken man walks into a Hell’s Angels biker bar, sits down and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man,she is one fine looking woman!” The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says:“I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best fu ck I ever had!” The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma, she liked it!” At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, “Grandpa!,….. Go home, you’re drunk!

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a undressed beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had melons bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” The boy pleased with the answer,goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “units” than his dad. His mother replied,“The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”

Olivia, 8, my vivacious middle kid, has suddenly declared war on getting dressed for school. It hit new heights when she refused every clothing I laid out the night before. And here I am, standing in the kitchen, coffee in hand, wondering, “Is it too early for this?”.So there I was, a father hoping for a morning victory. I walked into Olivia’s room, saw her collection of weird pajamas, and thought, “Why not?” The next morning, I calmly dropped the bombshell: “Hey, Liv, what if we shake things up a bit and go to school in those snazzy PJs of yours?”Her eyes lit up,and just like that, we had a morning pact.But here’s the twist: things didn’t go exactly as planned. Olivia, dressed in unicorn-themed pajamas, got into the car and we drove away.

The customary morning conversation was replaced by an unsettling hush. I could see the wheels turning in her little head, wondering if she had entered the twilight zone of parenting.When we arrived at the school, reality hit us hard. Olivia was now unsure about her fashion statement. “Dad, can we go back?” I want to change!” she cried, seeming to stress out. I stood firm, determined to teach her a lesson about options. “Sorry, kiddo, we’re committed to the PJs today.” My wife found out about it. I could see it coming, but I was expecting for a more positive reply Fast forward to the nighttime, and play the dramatic music. My wife, Emily, walked in, took one look at Olivia, and the temperature in the room fell. Later, in the peaceful sanctuary of our living room, Emily let out her thoughts. “Really, Jake?” PJs for school? We look like parents who have given up.” I put up my best case, saying that it was a one-day experiment and a real-world lesson in decision-making. But Emily wouldn’t have it. “You embarrassed her,” she stated. As the conversation progressed, I began to wonder the wisdom of my morning brilliance. Now, here’s the kicker. What’s your take, fellow parents? Have you ever thrown caution to the wind in the name of a morning win? Was I a genius or a total dad fail? Share your stories, because, let’s be real, parenting is a wild ride, and sometimes, you just need to compare notes on the real-world chaos we navigate daily.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
   • So which is it?
3. If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
   • The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. …leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
   • THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on the TV.

The woman reporter shouts out ‘This just in! A man Is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump’ The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers

‘I bet you $50 that the man’s gonna jump.’ The blonde responds ‘You’re on.’ So, both of the women stare at the news waiting to find out what happens next. Finally, the man jumps. The blonde turns to the redhead and hands her the $50. The redhead, feeling guilty, says ‘I can’t take that money. I saw the news earlier this morning. I knew he was going to jump off the cliff.’ The blonde says, ‘Well, I saw too. But I never woulds have thought that he’d do it again.