Author: admin

I (27F) am 5 months pregnant. I have pre-existing health issues that I manahe by having a diet with no meat of any sort. This has caused me and MiL to have confilcts especially when I refuse to eat the food she makes. I used to either come and not eat anything or just stay at home. Since I’ m pregnant I could not attend Thanksgiving and not bring food with me out of respect for MiL. I cooked a small meal and brought it with me. MiL made a fuss about it but justified it as “I was making a mistake robbing her grandbaby of getting all meat benefits”. I explained that I take supplements as replacement but she shrugged and was upset.

We waited til dinner table was set. MiL didn’t let me help or go into the kitchen at all. She took my dish and said she’d reheat it for me and put it on the table. Yet when I sat down I was stunned to have discovered that she had not put my dish there. When asked publically, she denied recieving any dish from me and started asking if I accidently left it at home or the car.

There was a huge blow up. MiL tried to convince me to sit back down and just eat what she put on the table. I refused but my husband insisted and told me to let it go this time. I decided to leave. I grabbed my stuff and walked out. I found out that she threw out the dish I brought and tried to get me to just eat what she put on her table. She said that she was looking out for grandbaby’s health and my husband said it wasn’t worth leaving the celebration and causing a scene. We had a big argument and his mom thinks I’m being dramatic and hard to deal with. Was I the ahole for walking out? INFO! The dish I brought was supposed to keep me full and provide me with all the benefits. So it wasn’t like any of her appetizers or side dishes. I also put work into making it and it cost me money. She keeps insisting it’s about her grandbaby and her concern for their health.

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house. They both decided it was time to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage. “Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this was cute.

“Well,” said Little Johnny, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us. “And how will you live? “I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough. ”Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to ..know all the answers, Susie’s dad asked, “And what if little ones come along? “Well,” said Little Johnny, “we’ve been lucky so far!”

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her annoyance, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.  So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her annoyance, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are! ‘The Texan smiled and drawled, ‘Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.’

Wife Realizes There’s Something Fishy About Her Husband’s Fishing Trip, So She Does Something Brilliant A man phones home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting.

So would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.

“The wife thinks that this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, “yes! Lots of walleye, some blue gill and a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to? “The wife replies: “I did. They were in your fishing box.”

A father walks into a bar with his son and gives him three pennies to play with. Suddenly the boy starts choking. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the pennies but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father panics and shouts to the bar’s patrons for help.

A well-dressed, attractive and serious-looking woman in a blue pantsuit is sitting at a table in the corner, reading a newspaper. At the sound of the commotion, she the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and puts it on the table, gets up from her seat and makes her way to the boy. The woman carefully drops the boy’s pants, grabs hold of his testicles, and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. As she turns to walk back to her seat, the father rushes over and starts hanking her. “Thank you for saving my son, but I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before. Are you a doctor?” The woman replied, “No, I work for the IRS.”

PERFECT WIFE Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws: My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house…

Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not chang your life routines…Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it… Those cooking must keep cooking… Those cleaning must keep cleaning… I’ll not disturb anybody’s routine… So far as I’m concerned, I’m here only to: Eat BUN, Have FUN and Entertain your SON!!!

A wife sent a message to her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you.”

Husband: Who is Priscilla? Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message. Husband: But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are you talking about? Wife: Where are you?? Husband: Near the vegetable market. Wife: Wait I’m coming there right now… After 10 minutes she texts her husband, “Where are you?” Husband: I’m at the office. Now that you are at the market, buy whatever vegetables you need.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner before you go… what happened in Texas? ”The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?” Me: “John” Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have.

”Me: “Two? ”Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got? ”Me: “Two?” Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got? ”Me: “Two? ”Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat? ”Me: “I don’t know? A lot?” Homeless man: “Well Johnny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pu**y.”

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl.

“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The cop chuckles and that?” The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!” “Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”