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I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera.

I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding.
Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more,
but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail’s pace.
Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You know, you just can’t fix stupid.

A blonde walks into a gas station and asks an employee, “I locked my keys in the car.
Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?”
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can’t stop laughing,
so the employee asks him what’s 

Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can’t stop laughing, so the employee asks him what’s so funny.
The trucker replies: “There is a blonde who is trying to open her car with a coat hanger!
“The employee says “So what? This could happen to anyone.”
But the trucker explains “Sure, but usually there isn’t another blonde in the car who yells
‘a little more right…a little more left!’”

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son. Father: Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son I see millions of stars.
Father: And what does that tell you?

Son: Astronomically, it tells that you? Son: Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets.
Father slaps the son hard and says-
“Idiot, someone has stolen our tent” MORAL:
Too much education can spoil our common sense.
Don’t Laugh Alone Share it. D 17.35

While my mom battled cancer, I was her caregiver, nursing her until her final days. But when she passed away, my mom split her money between my money-hungry brother and aunts. But it turns out that there was more to the story. It turns out that inheritance, loss, and family are the ultimate recipes for drama.Let me tell you all about what happened after my mom passed away.My mom battled with cancer for the longest time. When I look back now, it was something that had been around throughout my early life and then carried on when I enrolled at the community college close to home.Mom was always my best friend, so naturally,

I was going to be there every step of the way while she battled this illness. I just remember the days bleeding into nights when she was sick — something that was in a constant loop. But I also remember that the spoon-feeding and the hand-holding gave her as much comfort as they gave me. And then, on the other side of this story, my brother and aunts only showed up when they needed something. Usually, to have their bills paid.Or, like the one aunt (while my mom was on a steady decline), she wanted mom’s “contacts” to sort out a new house for her. Because my mom owned a real estate agency. The audacity was unbelievable. Anyway, Mom tried her hardest, but the illness took over in the end. Now, fast forward to the day of the will reading. All the relatives, the lawyer, and I were sitting in a room like something straight out of a Hallmark movie — think of wood everywhere and a chipped tea set on the scratched surface of an impossibly old coffee table.

I was sipping a cup of weak tea from one of the chipped teacups when the lawyer dropped the bomb. Mom’s savings, about all $5 million of it, was to be split between my brother and my aunts. I choked back the tea, thinking what was happening in the name of heaven. Because I got nothing. Zip. Nada. Now, I’m sitting there, with tears streaming down my face and onto the white skirt I was wearing — mascara drops staining my clothing. And this greedy bunch did not even bother to hide their smirks.I was baffled.How on earth could my mom have done this to me? I thought, wiping my nose with the face of my hand. And then, as a classic overthinker, I began to wonder whether I cared enough for her during those final months.But then, the lawyer stood up and handed me an envelope. “Your Mom,” he said, “loved you more than anyone.”Of course, the room gets quiet, and the greedy bunch all look hungrily at the letter. Dearest Lily, it said on the front.I opened the letter, and an address and a key were written on a single piece of paper.Now, I’m sitting there and thinking, What the heck, Mom?But I decided to check it out. Maybe she wanted me to clear out a storage room or something. The lawyer decided to tag along, tight-lipped about everything. So, we got to the address, which turned out to be this hidden gem of a house. A beautiful home with even my favorite flowers planted along the walkway. Mom had left me a fully paid-for home! And it was clear that she had left her imprint on the place because there were photos of us inside. And another letter on the glass table in the entrance hall — this letter was to spill the beans.It turns out my mom knew all about how my brother and aunts were the biggest money drains. But she wanted me to have a place to build a future and a family. To make new memories in a place that clearly has her spirit. As for the money? Well, the letter said that she handed it to them, fully aware that they would blow through it. She wanted to teach them the value of things and focus on family ties. Which was bound to happen when the money was long gone.But now, I’m standing in my new kitchen, drinking coffee from the coffee machine I always wanted, and I realize that mom’s love was never in the money — no. It was in this home, and I knew that this gift would be more valuable to me than anything else.Hey, Mom? You still know the best.

A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far away and would walk home. On the way home he stopped at the shops and bought a bucket and gallon of paint. He then called at a friends farm and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home? While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 16 Mockingbird Lane ? “The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that address. I’d walk you there if I didn’t have this lot to carry. “The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm an d carry the goose in your other hand? “Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk her home. On the way he said “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.

“The little old lady looked at him cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me? “The farmer said, “Hang on a minute lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How on earth could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that? “The old lady replied, “Well put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

A chicken walks into a library and up to the desk. “Buk”, says the chicken. So the librarian gives him a book. The chicken leaves with the book and returns five minutes later. “Buk,” he says.

So the librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times, until finally the eight more times, until finally the librarian leaves the library and goes outside on break in back where there’s a pond. The chicken is standing on the edge of the pond tossing the books to a frog on a lilypad. The chicken says “Buk, Buk” and the frog says “reddit, reddit”. I’ll show myself out.

Daghermageous ineston tag to nre mg n.сор подоя. ess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s fridge.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in London, she used the in-tercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Dublin, please raise your hand?” Not one hand went up…. So she took them home and ate them. Two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folk think.

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. ”She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie.

I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like. “He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote… J “I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in five minutes.

An 85 years old lady was waiting for her husband at the bar in Harpoon Harry’s. Suddenly, a very handsome man enters and sits down a few seats away. The man is so attractive, she cannot keep her eyes off him. After a short time,the man notices her staring and approaches her.

Before the lady has time to apologize, the man looks deep into her eyes and says in a sulty tone, “I’ll do anything you’d like.

Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams. I doesn’t matter how extreme or unusual it is, I will do it, matter how extreme or unusual it is, I will do it, for this i want $100 cash. And there’s another condition. “Completely stunned by this turn of events, the lady asks him what the condition is. You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” The man said. The lady takes a moment to consider the offer from the handsome man, she reaches into her handbag and puts $100 in his hands. She then smiles, looks him square in the eyes and slowly but clearly says,” paint my house”.

A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town.” “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?” “No, he went with Mom and Dad.

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message. “Well, said the farmer uncomfortably. “No, I really want to talk to your Dd, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant”. The boy thought for a moment, then says, “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”