Author: admin

When it comes to jokes, we often think about funny stories with a humorous ending. Although they do qualify as jokes, there may be other things that could be considered jokes. This includes ‘practical jokes’ and when it comes to those tricks, we tend to fall into one of two different categories. We are either the person who is constantly pulling those jokes or we know someone that does and we are the target. If you’ve ever had a practical joke pulled on you, you realize they aren’t really that funny. Then again, read the following joke and tell me how funny they are.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H – “Yes.”

W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H – “What’s the price?”

W – “Only $1,000.”

H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2021 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s an SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year.”

H – “What price did he quote you?”

W – “Only $165,000.”

H – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else.”

H – “What would you like?”

W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, an acre of land, and beachfront property.”

H – “How much are they asking?”

W – “Only $1,450,000 – a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover.”

H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $1,420,000. OK?”

W – “OK, sweetie, Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best husband in the world. I love you!!!”

H – “Bye, I love you too” The man hangs up the phone.

The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks, “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to?”

When you go to the doctor with a problem, you want him to diagnose the issue and give you the solution that will stop it from being an issue any longer. We realize that is the case, but it isn’t often that it works out in that way.

All too often, we go to a doctor with a problem and the doctor may give a diagnosis and then tell us there’s nothing he can do about it. It’s unfortunate, but true that they don’t have a magic pill that can help with everything.

Then again, we may go to the doctor with the strangest problem and before you know it, you have a solution that can really help. At the very least, knowing what is wrong is half the battle and this joke describes it perfectly.

A patient went to the Doctor and asked him to check his leg.

“Something’s wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear it!”

The doctor cautiously places his ear on the man’s thigh only to hear, “Give me $10! I’m desperate! I need $10!”

“I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before! How long has this been going on?” the doctor asked.

“That’s nothing, Doc. Put your ear to my knee.”
The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say, “Please! I really need $5! Just $5! Please! I’m desperate!”

“Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.”

The doctor was truly dumbfounded.

“Wait, Doc, that’s not all of it. There’s more. Just put your ear down on my ankle,” the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was amazed to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need $20! Please lend me $20, please! I am really desperate!”

“I have no idea what to tell you,” the doctor said. “There’s nothing about it in any of my books,” he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. “However… I can make a well-educated guess.

Based on life and all my previous experiences, I can tell you with some certainty…

that your leg seems to be broke in three places.”

If there’s one thing that all of us are familiar with, it’s the electronic communication that we all take part in these days. Communication has changed over the years and we may ask, is it convenient, or is it inconvenient?

Before you say whether it is convenient or inconvenient, you really need to look at the following joke. It is one that is not only funny, it is also very real in many ways.

We will always use electronic means to communicate with each other as long as we have our smartphones and other electronic devices. In the end, however, the best choice is to simply talk to somebody if at all possible and to laugh at a joke on occasion.

A man got a text from his neighbor:

“I’m so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I’ve been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you’re not around. It’s been so incredible and fun, I’ve not been able to stop myself.

Sometimes it goes on for hours and hours.

I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”

The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife.

A couple of seconds later, another text arrived. ‘Bloomin’ auto-correct, it’ll be the death of me! I meant “wifi”, not “wife”‘

If there is one thing we can be certain about in life, it’s the fact that we are always going to be surprised at the things we see and hear. We may be having a perfectly normal day and before we know it, events change and we are suddenly faced with something that we never could have expected. Apparently, this not only happens now but it may also happen after we die. It’s illustrated nicely in this story about an engaged couple who passed away in a car accident. In the end, you will be surprised by the answer to their simple question.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple finds themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard thepouf. Before she even had a chanceto be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet and said in a rather stern voice, “Skippy!”. The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, “Dammit Skippy!” Once again the woman smiled and thought “Yes!”. A few minutes laterthe woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, ”Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!”

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied, “Because when I’m His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! “You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always reminding them. “John what did you do over the weekend? “I went to visit my Nana.” “No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use ‘Big People’ words!” She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a choo-choo. “I went to visit my Nana. “No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words!” She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo. “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words,” she said. She then asked little Johnny what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied. “That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read? “Johnny thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Sh1t.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s*x would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny.

“Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along. “If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed.

My wife and I got stuck in an elevator and when we got home, we told the story to our kids. They just looked at us and said.

“Soooo….. …did ya get out? “Soooo….. …did ya get out?” My wife and I looked at each other and made a pact to go ahead and start drinking away their college fund.

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. “Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce”, the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him 6,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank’s doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, “That will be $6,000 in principal, and $18.40 in interest.”

The man wrote out a check, The loan officer checked the records and told him, “That will be $6,000 in principal, and $18.40 in interest.” The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. “Wait sir,” the loan officer said, “while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled. “Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $18.40?”