Author: admin

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.

Your EX-Husband, P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Dear Ex-Husband, Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work. I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas.”

A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?”

“Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re going to find where Portugal is.” She gets a map of the state and can’t find Portugal. Then she gets a map of the region and still can’t find Portugal.

She gets a map of the city and can’t find Portugal. “I swear Portugal can’t be far. The maid is from Portugal and she comes here to work everyday on her bicycle.”

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and a half.” The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, “Hey, Bob, do me a favor, guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, “Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.” A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, “So, where does he go when he leaves?” Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Your house!”

Husband Asks Wife What Will Make Me Happy And Sad At Same Time.

A Husband looks at his wife and says. “I bet you can not say something that will make me happy and sad at the same time. ”The wife thinks for a second then says. Your tool is 2 inches bigger then your brothers.

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.

That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue following if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to the K-mart next.

This young woman ran up to me at the cemetery and said “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?” “Sure.” I said, being the gentleman I am.

As we walked through, she told me that she had tried to ask other guys before me, but no one would do it. What has come of this world, when a man won’t give a hand to lovely lady to walk her through a dark place. “Thank God you’re not like that.”

She smiled at me. “I suppose it’s silly, being afraid of cemeteries at my age.” I said “Oh yeah of course. Don’t worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive.

Little Johnny was a seven year old boy. He was naughty, funny and very mischievous. One day, his mom was unwell and he was looked after by his daddy. Little Johnny’s daddy asked him to go to bed as it was close to 9.30 pm. Little Johnny went to his room. His daddy was watching television in the living room.

It was 9.45 and Little Johnny called, “Daddy, can you please bring me a glass of water to drink? ”Daddy was annoyed, “No way Johnny! You get it on your own! ”After five minutes, Little Johnny called his dad and said, “Daddy can you please give me a glass of water?

I’m very thirsty”, Daddy replied, “No Johnny. I already told you! ”After five minutes, Little Johnny shouted, “Daddy can you please give me water?” Daddy said …“I told you twice, I won’t! If you ask again, I will come in and spank you! ”Little Johnny was silent for a while. After 10 minutes, “Daddy, when you come to spank me, can you please give me a glass of water? ”Daddy was speechless!

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks.

“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month! “Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, ..a little peace and quiet? “Yeah. But today is the last day.

A married man was visiting his girlfriend, when she requested he shave his beard off. “Oh Paddy.” she said, “Please shave it off, I want to see all of your lovely face.

“I can’t said Paddy, “My wife loves this beard, she’d kill me if I shaved it off! “Please!”…she pleaded in a sexy seductive voice. Paddy gives in and shaves the beard off. Later that night, Paddy crawls into the bed whilst his wife was sleeping. His wife wakes up, and feels his face in the dark, she then says, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here now, Paddy will be back home shortly!”