Author: admin

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and done the damages with all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again do the same with all 150 hens.

The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried. Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens but also he is screwing the turkeys, ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.

The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: “You deserved it, you h**rny bastard! And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!, they are about to land.

A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch. He gets out of the car and knocks on a farmhouse door for help. He explains his situation to the farmer. The farmer gets his horse and they walk to the crash scene.

The farmer then uses rope to tie the horse to the car Pull, Zoomer, pull” the farmer shouts, but the horse doesn’t move. Pull, Radar, pull” the farmer yells again, but again, the horse stands still Pull, Dasher, pull” yells the farmer, but the horse stands like a rock.

Pull, Dusty, pull” shouts the farmer, and the horse finally gets the car out with minimal effort. The driver is dumbfounded so he asks the farmer: “Why do you call your horse different names?” You see,” the farmer replies, “Dusty is blind. “If he knew he was working by himself, he wouldn’t have pulled.”

The wife sent a message to her husband Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you “. Husband : Who is Priscilla?

Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure that you read my message, Twist in the tale….. Husband : But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are you talking about? Wife : Where are you….? Husband: Near the vegetable market Wife :

Wait I’m coming there right now …! After 10 minutes she texts her husband “Where are you”? Husband: “I’m at the office. Now that you’re at the market, buy whatever vegetables you need.

This Man Just Cheated On His Wife. But When He Returned Home, This Happened. A man tells his wife that he is going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets the store, he finds out its closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and starts talking to this beautiful girl.

He has a few more beers and the next thing he knows he’s in the girls apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knows it was 3:00 am. “Oh my god my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimed.

“Quick, give me some talcum powder! “She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he gets home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious. “Where the hell have you been! “He says, “well, to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde, and slept with her. “Let me see your hands!” she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands. “Damn liar, you were out bowling again!”

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license.

“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ‘Is your daddy home? ’Small voice whispered, ‘Yes, he’s out in the garden, ‘May I talk with him?’ The child whispered, ‘No.’ So the boss asked, ‘Well, is your Mommy there? ‘Yes she’s out in the garden too’ ‘The boss asked; ‘May I talk with her?’

Again the ‘No’. ‘Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,’ Is anybody else there? ‘Yes,’ whispered the child, ‘a policeman. Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman? ‘No, He’s busy,’ whispered the child. ‘Busy doing what? ‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise? ‘It’s a helicopter’ answered the whispering voice. ‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. ‘The search team just landed a helicopter’, ‘A search team?’ said the boss. ‘What are they searching for? ’Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle … ‘ME’

A group of four-year-olds were trying to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. “You need to use `big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. You need to use “big people’ words “she was always reminding them.

“John, what did you do over the weekend? “I went to visit my Nana. “No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words. “She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a choo-choo,” he said. “No, you took a ride on a Train.

Use big people words. “She then asked Johnny what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied. “That’s wonderful,” the teacher said. “What book did you read? “Alex thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, “Winnie The Shit.”

This Little Girl Just Shocked Everyone With Her Assignment, Including Her Teacher. The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. Susie said “We live on a farm and I was collecting eggs from the hen house one day. I gathered the eggs and put them in my basket and set off running toward the house. While running I tripped over a rock and smashed all of the eggs. “So what’s the moral of the story Susie?” Asked the teacher.

“Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket,” said Susie. Next it was Billy’s turn to go. “We also live on a farm,” said Billy. “We have incubators to help our eggs hatch. One night there was a thunderstorm and lightning knocked out the power to the incubators.” “So what’s the moral of that story Billy?” Asked the teacher. “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch,” said Billy. The teacher turned to Janie. “Janie, do you have a story to share?’ “Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. “Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?” “He said don’t mess with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on. She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am I’m blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.” She definitely didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line… It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00”. She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.” He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big time.

At first, she is very embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her…being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50. “She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00? “He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50.”

Woman Decides To Test Her Husband’s Love. Then This Happened… LOL! Not too long ago, there was a woman who felt that her husband was being distant and unloving. She wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.

She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore. She knew it was petty and perhaps childish, but she needed to know how her husband felt. And besides, this was more of a prank than a real test, right? After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. She hoped to hear his outraged response, or to see him get upset.

When the husband eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He seemed overjoyed, rather than crushed and He seemed overjoyed, rather than crushed and heartbroken. The woman was shocked and incredibly hurt. But things only got worse.

The husband grabbed his phone and dialed a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. “Hey babe,” said the husband into the phone. “I’m just getting changed now, I’ll join you in a bit. As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was cheating on her and she left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!” Then he hung up and walked out of the room. After some time, the wife heard the front door open and close – her husband was gone. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: “I could see your feet under the bed you idiot, I’m going out to buy bread.”