Author: admin

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. “You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.”
She then asked Bobby what he had done.

“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said,…
“Winnie the Shit.”

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

A man and his wife are at a high school reunion…

… and the husband keeps staring at a gorgeous drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table, glass after glass.

His wife turns to him and asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband.

She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife.

“Who would think a person could go on celebrating for that long?”

An elderly couple, Mildred and George, moved to Texas.

George always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Mildred looked him over and said, “Nope.”

Frustrated, George stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Mildred, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Mildred looked up at his naked body and exclaimed, “George, you know what, nothing is different! It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!”

Furious, George yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MILDRED?”

“Nope,” she replied.

“IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY COOL NEW BOOTS!”

Without changing her expression, Mildred replied, “Should have bought a hat, George. Should have bought a hat!”

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?”

The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”

The first old lady asks, “What do you do about It?”

The second old lady replies, “I s**k a lifesaver.”

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”

A beautiful woman is sitting next to the little johnny on a plane.
There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nosedive.
The Captain comes on the intercom and says

“I hate to have to tell you this folk, but we might not walk away from this one.”
Everyone begins to panic except for the johnny who sheepishly turns to the woman and says,
“I hate to trouble you miss, but we might die and I’ve never kissed anyone.”

The woman is at first taken aback but after a moment realizes she might as well make the kid happy in their final moments.

She passionately kisses him.

The johnny, elated, go on,

“Sorry to bother you again after such a lovely kiss, but we might die and I’ve never felt a bre@st.”

Again the woman is taken aback but decides there is no harm in it and slides his hand under her shirt.

After a good long feel, the little Johnny again says

“you’ve been so kind already but please, I don’t want to die never having gotten a bl0w job.”

Already committed to helping this boy have new experiences before they die, the woman smiles and begins to undo his belt.

Just then the plane levels off.

As everyone exits the plane they shake hands with the captain and congratulate him.

The woman walks off the plain she says

“thank you so much for saving us from certain death.”

The Little Johnny shouts

“just a little longer next time dad!”

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store as they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”

The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.”

“I can handle that without a problem” the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out the cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

“We use beer for washing our hair” the nun said, “back at our nunnery, we call it catholic shampoo.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer.

He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: “The curlers are on the house.”

A Priest and a Lawyer walk into a bakery.
The Lawyer looks around shrewdly, grabs three freshly baked buns and quickly puts them into his pockets.

He says to the Priest, “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”
The Priest replied, “That’s just simple thievery, I’II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”
The Priest then proceeded to call out to the owner of the bakery, “Sir, I want to show you a miracle of the lord.”

The owner was intrigued so he came over to see what the priest was talking about.
The Priest asked him for a bun, and then he proceeded to give it to a homeless-looking man outside.

He asked two more times, and after once again handing the buns out, the owner says, “Okay my friend, where’s the miracle?”
The Priest said,
“Look in the Lawyer’s pockets.”

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it.

An investigative journalist has said that he got quite a surprise when he dialed the number to a secretive cell phone at the center of an alleged bribery scheme involving President Joe Biden.

Just the News correspondent John Solomon said during an interview this week on the Real America’s Voice streaming network that when he called the number of the phone, which was reportedly being paid for by Hunter Biden, Joe was the one who picked up.

“There had been some documents that law enforcement had gotten to other media. One of those documents got leaked to me, and it had a cell phone number that Hunter Biden was paying for, so I figured this was my chance. I’ve been trying to get fair comment from Hunter Biden, so I’m gonna call the cell phone!” Solomon said.

So I called the cell phone, and guess who picked up the phone? Joe Biden!” he said. “Joe Biden! Boy was he shocked when he got — when he picked up the phone and found out it was me. He hung up pretty quickly!”

According to Peter Schweizer of the Government Accountability Institute on Sunday, Joe Biden, during his tenure as vice president in the Obama administration, utilized a satellite phone that was funded by a business associated with Hunter Biden, The Western Journal reported.

“It’s interesting. What is the line of communications between Hunter Biden and his business partners and Joe Biden when he’s vice president of the United States? It’s not the government phone. It’s not Joe Biden’s personal phone,” Schweizer said.

“We know from the laptop that Hunter Biden’s business paid for a private phone line that Joe Biden used while he was vice president. It was from AT&T. It was $300 a month. It was a global phone where you could access somebody anywhere around the world,” he said, adding that the tip has been shared with House Republicans investigating the current first family.

“We shared that phone number and that account information with people in the House Oversight Committee. My hope is that they if they haven’t already, they will subpoena those records because I think it will give an indication on how tight the communication was,” he said.

Meanwhile, House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer (R-Ky.) says Hunter Biden may finally be forced to admit that the controversial laptop containing so much scandalous information about him and his family is actually his.

Comer made his remarks during an interview with “Fox & Friends” on Friday morning in a conversation with co-host Steve Doocy. He was responding to a deposition the first son was to give a day earlier in response to a defamation lawsuit filed by the Delaware repairman, John Paul Mac Isaac, who turned it over to the FBI after it was abandoned in the fall of 2019:

STEVE DOOCY, FOX NEWS HOST: What do you make of the Hunter Biden laptop defamation case today? This could probably be the first time he ever admits, yes, that’s mine.

REP. JAMES COMER: Yes. Well, I just think it’s ironic because the media went all in on, this is Russian disinformation for so long. There are still Democrats in Congress that they only get their news from MSNBC. They really still don’t know that the laptop is Hunter Biden’s. They still think that it was compromised somehow.

So, the fact that the Bidens had denied that this was his laptop for so long, and now they’re going to have to admit it in court today, I think, is very ironic.