Author: admin

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?

“Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.” Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?” The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you” She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive. ”Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me. ”She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that – you have to be single and you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!” “OK,” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.” The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.” The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Steve and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

FATHER IN LAW ASKED HER TO HELP HIM WITH HIS WORK FOR ONE DAY. WHAT FOLLOWED NEXT LEFT HER STUNNED. So one day my father in law asked me to help him load up his truck with some garbage and help him take it to the dumps. He’s an old school Mexican in his late 50s who is one of the most righteous and generous person I have ever met. We get there and the lady at the gate tells him the price to dump his garbage.

My father in law is amazed at how high the price has become, and expresses this to the lady. She gets all rude and tells him to either pay up or turn the hell around and get out. My father in law calmly asks the lady to repeat the price one more time. She does. This man says ok, and reached over to the giant change cup filled with coins and proceeds to hand the amount over to the lady.

ONE. PENNY. AT. A. TIME. When the lady tells him that he doesn’t have to do that, and that he’s holding up the line, my FIL tells her to please stop interrupting him, and that she has made him lose count. He then starts all over again, counting each coin until he finally hands over exact change.
Absolute SAVAGE. Proud that he’s my father in law. Share this if you think he did the right thing.

A Newly Married Man Tries Giving His Wife Rules But Never Expected Her To Say This, Typical macho man married typical good- looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card- playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments? “His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

Boy: I’ll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole. Girl: ok. (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole.

Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! …Next Day…(Same boy): I’ll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn’t wearing underwear. Mom:…

A dude-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in the outback of Western Australia. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the new by rider bravely asks the old biker. “If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do? ”The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, “Nah, you go ahead. ”Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl. The old biker quietly says, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.”

A Trape Set by Wife For Husband and Maid One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didn’t tell the husband. That night when they went to bed.

The husband gave the old story: “Excuse me my dear, my stomach” & went to the bathroom. The wife promptly went into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. When in he came silently, he wasted no time on words but quickly started having S*x.. When he finished, the Wife switched on the light & said: “U didn’t expect me in this bed, did u? “No Madam!” said the Watchman! !Moral of the story – Don’t get too smart, u can be Screwed !!

Husband’s E-Mail To His Wife… A Sailor sent an e-mail to his wife, informing her that his ship would be returning from deployment a day early. Arriving home, he found his wife with another man.

Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the Navy Lodge to decide what to do next. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. “Bill” she said, “I checked with my daughter and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode. “This I’ve got to hear,” the Sailor said. “It was an honest mistake,” the mother-in-law said 99 She never got your e-mail!”

Rude Bus Driver, A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.

Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says “You do The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”