Author: admin

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, ‘I’d calm down if I were you.’ The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Pissed at the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, “Greetings, Earthling, we come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!” The older alien again warned his comrade saying, ‘You probably don’t want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.’

‘Rubbish,’ replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire,

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. What a ferocious creature!’ exclaimed the young, fried alien. ‘He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?’ The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.’

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. ‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met’. She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, ‘Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,’ he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears.

‘Yes, I do’ she replies. The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. ‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’ ‘Yes, I remember’ said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him. The husband continued. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?’ ‘I remember that, too’ she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have gotten out today.”

A chicken walks into a library and up to the desk. “Buk”, says the chicken. So the librarian gives him a book. The chicken leaves with the book and returns five minutes later.

“Buk,” he says. So the librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times, until finally the eight more times, until finally the librarian leaves the library and goes outside on break in back where there’s a pond. The chicken is standing on the edge of the pond tossing the books to a frog on a lilypad. The chicken says “Buk, Buk” and the frog says “reddit, reddit”. I’ll show myself out.

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. ”She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like. “He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote… J “I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in five minutes.

A Woman, who had lately lost her husband, used to go every day to his grave and lament her loss. A Farmer, who was engaged in ploughing not far from the spot, set eyes upon the Woman and desired to have her for his wife: so he left his plough and came and sat by her side, and began to shed tears himself.

She asked him why he wept; and he replied, “I have lately lost my wife, who was very dear to me, and tears ease my grief. “And I,” said she, “have lost my husband.” And so for a while they mourned in silence. Then he said, “Since you and I are in like case, shall we not do well to marry and live together? I shall take the place of your dead husband, and you, that of my dead wife.

”The Woman consented to the plan, which indeed seemed reasonable enough: and they dried their tears. Meanwhile, a thief had come and stolen the oxen which the Farmer had left with his plough. On discovering the theft, he beat his breast and loudly bewailed his loss. When the Woman heard his cries, she came and said, “Why, are you weeping still?” To which he replied, “Yes, and I mean it this time.”

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help. ”There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words Soon the hat began to fill up.

A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write? ”The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way. “I wrote: Today is a beautiful day; but I cannot see it.

‘Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign reminded people how fortunate they were to have their sight. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective? Morals of the Story: Be creative and innovative. Think differently and positively, Let’s share this. Maybe you’ll touch someone’s heart and become the reason for the smiles on their faces.

Seven-year-old James strolled the Atlanta Christkindl Market, dreaming of a new iPad from Santa. His parents emphasized the joy of family time over gifts. Spotting his former teacher, Mr. Williams, homeless and struggling, James dashed toward him. Mr. Williams, battling illness and job loss, had lost everything. James, recalling his love for teaching, wondered why he wasn’t at school. Unable to answer, Mr. Williams was interrupted by James’ worried mother, relieved to find her son safe.

On the ride home, James learned of his teacher’s plight. Unable to shake the thought, he rewrote his Christmas wish to Santa: “Help my teacher, not me.” His parents, moved by his selflessness, devised a plan. Inviting Mr. Williams for Christmas, they offered support and shelter. Community efforts led to a fundraiser and secured a new apartment. James’ parents hired him as a tutor while others rallied for his reemployment. Their kindness overwhelmed Mr. Williams, who, upon learning of James’ wish, was deeply moved. In tears, he realized the impact of his teaching. Encouraged by this outpouring of support, Mr. Williams regained his zeal for teaching, leaving with gratitude and renewed purpose. Through a child’s compassionate plea, a community rallied to transform a teacher’s life, illuminating the profound effect of empathy and generosity. What can we learn from this story? Teachers can make a huge difference in students’ lives. A professor can influence the kids they teach in the most beautiful ways. Your kids should learn that Christmas is not about gifts. Teach your children that the holidays are not about receiving but about giving.

A WOMAN’S POEM: He didn’t like the casserole, and he didn’t like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard, not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t make the coffee right, he didn’t like my stew. I didn’t fold his pants, the way his mother used to fold his pants, the way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him, like his mother used to do.

While my mom battled cancer, I was her caregiver, nursing her until her final days. But when she passed away, my mom split her money between my money-hungry brother and aunts. But it turns out that there was more to the story. It turns out that inheritance, loss, and family are the ultimate recipes for drama.Let me tell you all about what happened after my mom passed away.My mom battled with cancer for the longest time. When I look back now, it was something that had been around throughout my early life and then carried on when I enrolled at the community college close to home.Mom was always my best friend, so naturally, I was going to be there every step of the way while she battled this illness.

I just remember the days bleeding into nights when she was sick — something that was in a constant loop. But I also remember that the spoon-feeding and the hand-holding gave her as much comfort as they gave me. And then, on the other side of this story, my brother and aunts only showed up when they needed something. Usually, to have their bills paid.Or, like the one aunt (while my mom was on a steady decline), she wanted mom’s “contacts” to sort out a new house for her. Because my mom owned a real estate agency. The audacity was unbelievable. Anyway, Mom tried her hardest, but the illness took over in the end. Now, fast forward to the day of the will reading. All the relatives, the lawyer, and I were sitting in a room like something straight out of a Hallmark movie — think of wood everywhere and a chipped tea set on the scratched surface of an impossibly old coffee table.

I was sipping a cup of weak tea from one of the chipped teacups when the lawyer dropped the bomb. Mom’s savings, about all $5 million of it, was to be split between my brother and my aunts. I choked back the tea, thinking what was happening in the name of heaven. Because I got nothing. Zip. Nada. Now, I’m sitting there, with tears streaming down my face and onto the white skirt I was wearing — mascara drops staining my clothing. And this greedy bunch did not even bother to hide their smirks.I was baffled.How on earth could my mom have done this to me? I thought, wiping my nose with the face of my hand. And then, as a classic overthinker, I began to wonder whether I cared enough for her during those final months.But then, the lawyer stood up and handed me an envelope. “Your Mom,” he said, “loved you more than anyone.”Of course, the room gets quiet, and the greedy bunch all look hungrily at the letter. Dearest Lily, it said on the front.I opened the letter, and an address and a key were written on a single piece of paper.Now, I’m sitting there and thinking, What the heck, Mom?But I decided to check it out. Maybe she wanted me to clear out a storage room or something. The lawyer decided to tag along, tight-lipped about everything. So, we got to the address, which turned out to be this hidden gem of a house. A beautiful home with even my favorite flowers planted along the walkway. Mom had left me a fully paid-for home! And it was clear that she had left her imprint on the place because there were photos of us inside. And another letter on the glass table in the entrance hall — this letter was to spill the beans.It turns out my mom knew all about how my brother and aunts were the biggest money drains. But she wanted me to have a place to build a future and a family. To make new memories in a place that clearly has her spirit. As for the money? Well, the letter said that she handed it to them, fully aware that they would blow through it. She wanted to teach them the value of things and focus on family ties. Which was bound to happen when the money was long gone.But now, I’m standing in my new kitchen, drinking coffee from the coffee machine I always wanted, and I realize that mom’s love was never in the money — no. It was in this home, and I knew that this gift

A TRUCK DRIVER A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie. Just as he was about to eat them, three big hairy bikers walked in.

The first biker grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a big bite from it. The second biker picked up the trucker’s coffee and downed it in one gulp. The third biker ate the trucker’s apple pie. The truck driver didn’t do anything or say a word as all this went on. When they finished, he just paid the waitress and left. The first biker said to the waitress, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” “He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He’s just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorbikes.”