Author: admin

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.

Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed, when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question. WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?” HUSBAND: “Definitely not!” WIFE: “Why not – don’t you like being married?” HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”

WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?” HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.” WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: “Would you live in our house?” HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”

WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?” HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?” WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?” HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.” WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?” HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.” WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?” HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker says, “Wow!

That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts.

After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some “desert.” Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Joe asks what the dollar is all about. The woman replies: “It was my husband’s suggestion.

When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me ‘F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea

A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, “I see you have already taken your reward.”

The poor man responds, “What are you talking about?” The wealthy man continues, “This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it.” The two men begin arguing, and eventually they go to court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, “Your Honor, I trust you, you trust me.”

The Judge says, “Of course.” The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated. Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor man who found it. “What are you doing?” the rich man yells angrily. The Judge responds, “You are, of course, an honest man, and if you say that your missing wallet had $750 in it, I’m sure it did – but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money – otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.” “What about my money?” the rich man asks. “Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $750 in it.

A TRUCK DRIVER A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie. Just as he was about to eat them, three big hairy bikers walked in. The first biker grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a big bite from it.

The second biker picked up the trucker’s coffee and downed it in one gulp. The third biker ate the trucker’s apple pie.

The truck driver didn’t do anything or say a word as all this went on. When they finished, he just paid the waitress and left. The first biker said to the waitress, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” “He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He’s just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorbikes.”

An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the sales- man had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. “I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000.

Asking price,” said the man. “Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.” “Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grin- ning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. “There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. “See you later, grandpa.” Never mess with the elderly!

Three married men are sitting in a pool club and arguing over who has the worst marriage. One of the men says, “I have it the worst. My prudish wife won’t sleep with me more than once a month! She refuses!” The other men shake their heads. One of them asks, “what did you do about it? ”The man says “I slept with that horny blonde over there by the pool table.

Unlike my wife, she’ll do anything.” The men laugh. The second man says, “You think that’s bad? My uptight wife won’t even sleep with me once a year! ”The other men shake their heads and one of them asks, “so, what did you do about it? ”The man says “I got my rocks off with that same slutty blonde over there by the pool table.

She’ll literally do any guy. ”The men laugh, then the third man says, That too bad for you guys, but honestly, I definitely have it the worst. ”The men say, “what’s the problem with your wife? ”The man says, “Well for one, she’s always down here playing pool.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since.

I hope you can forgive me. “You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.” “Oh thank God!” said Lois. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.” “Glad we cleared that up,” said Clark. “So I guess this means you were Batman too.”