Author: admin

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid’s room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid’s bed beside her… After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, “Surprised?” “I sure am, ma’am!” stammered the chauffeur.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” She whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up,

“Do you remember 40 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?” He asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do,” she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?”

“Yes, I remember.” Says the wife lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues… “Do you remember when she shoved a sh*tg un in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 40 years?’” “I remember that, too.” she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says:“I would have gotten out today.”

Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill’s wife isn’t wearing any underwear.

Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife follows him and asks, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?” John admits that he did. She says, “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.”

They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work. On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill’s wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves. When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, “Did John come by this afternoon?” Reluctantly, she replies, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.” Next Bill asks, “Did he give you $100?” She thinks, “Oh hell, he knows!” Finally she says, “Well, yes, he did give me $100.” “Good,” Bill says. “John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife.

“Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we get naked?” Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.” “I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”

1. “If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

2. The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

3. The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,

“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

4. Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”

Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”

5. Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Joseph: The sign said, “SCHOOL AHEAD. GO SLOW!”

We need to have fun like everyone else. Well, for example, the other day, Bev my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, “Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break……?” He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an “Ar*e Hole”. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Bev called him a “Sh1t Head”. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her. However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses, How do you expect me to marry someone like you? I can never love you so forget about me Go find and marry someone else of your level.” Despite being rejected so hurtfully, for some reason, the boy could not forget her so easily.

Roughly 10 years later, they accidentally ran into each other in a shopping mall. She immediately recognized the man and said, “Hey, how are you? I’m now married to a very smart man, and his salary is $15,700 per month! Can you beat that?” The man, hearing those painful words from the woman he used to care for, held back his tears and said nothing

Not a few moments passed when the woman’s husband came back to her side. But before the lady could say a word, her husband immediately recognized the man she was talking to and said, “Sir? G-good afternoon! I see you’ve met my wife!” “Good afternoon too, Mr…?”, said the man. “Mr

Carter, Sir!” The husband then turned to his wife and said,
“Dear, I’d like you to meet my boss
He owns the $100 million project I’ve been working on!”
The woman, left flabbergasted by the turn of events, was not able to say anything back.

The man just smiled and said, “Well, Mr

Carter

I’ve got to get going

I have important things to attend to

It was splendid seeing you today

Have a great day!”

For a minute, the couple just stared at the man as he walked away

Having been over her initial shock, the woman asked her husband in disbelief, “That was your boss?”

“Yes, dear

He’s a very humble person but his life is quite a sad story

They said he once loved a lady but she dumped him because he was just a poor boy back then.

Because of that, he worked really hard

And because he’s smart, he became successful

Now he’s a multimillionaire who earns millions of dollars a month

Unfortunately though, he couldn’t move on from that heartbreak and remains unmarried still.”

The husband went on and said, “How lucky would that lady have been if she had married that man?”

The lady looked in total shock and couldn’t utter a word.

Morals of the story: Life is short

Furthermore, it is just like a mirror – you can only see as much as it reflects.

So don’t be too arrogant or proud by looking down on others because of their current situations

Things and circumstances can change with time.

An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring. She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said.

“Hello, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, do you have a moment to discuss the Holy Word?” The lady was in a good mood and had just put on a pot of coffee, so she invited the man in and sat down with him at the kitchen table.

When she offered him a cup of coffee, she noticed that the man looked a little lost. She asked, “Now, what would you like to talk about, dear?” The young man replied with a pale and shocked face, “Beats the hell out of me, I’ve never gotten this far…”

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid’s room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid’s bed beside her… After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, “Surprised?” “I sure am, ma’am!” stammered the chauffeur.

A man and woman were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor: “Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.” Gushed son number one… “Sorry I’m running late, i had an emergency, you know how it is, didn’t have time to get you both a present”.” Not to worry.” Said the dad. “The important thing is that we’re all here together today.”

Son number two arrived and announced. “You and Mom still look great, Dad. Just flew in from L.A. and didn’t have time to get you a present… Sorry.” It’s nothing.” Said the father. “Glad you were able to be here. Just then the daughter arrived. “Hello both of you, Happy Anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn’t have time to get you guys anything.”

Again the father said. “I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today.” After they had all finished dessert, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said. “Listen up, all three of you, there’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.

You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. All through the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.’ The three kids gasp and said. “You mean we’re bastards.” Yep.” Said the dad. “And cheap ones too.”