Category: jokes

When it comes to jokes, we often think about funny stories with a humorous ending. Although they do qualify as jokes, there may be other things that could be considered jokes. This includes ‘practical jokes’ and when it comes to those tricks, we tend to fall into one of two different categories. We are either the person who is constantly pulling those jokes or we know someone that does and we are the target. If you’ve ever had a practical joke pulled on you, you realize they aren’t really that funny. Then again, read the following joke and tell me how funny they are.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H – “Yes.”

W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H – “What’s the price?”

W – “Only $1,000.”

H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2021 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s an SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year.”

H – “What price did he quote you?”

W – “Only $165,000.”

H – “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else.”

H – “What would you like?”

W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, an acre of land, and beachfront property.”

H – “How much are they asking?”

W – “Only $1,450,000 – a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover.”

H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $1,420,000. OK?”

W – “OK, sweetie, Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best husband in the world. I love you!!!”

H – “Bye, I love you too” The man hangs up the phone.

The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks, “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to?”

Ever since the beginning of time, there has been a struggle between family members. This can include brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and even cousins.

One family relationship that has often had problems is between a man and woman and their mother-in-law. It is a struggle to be sure, but it is also the basis for a funny joke.

When a man was traveling with his wife and mother-in-law, something unexpected happened. His solution to the difficult problem was unexpected and hilarious.

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.

While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

An undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.”

The man thought about it for a while and then told him, “I see. Well, you’d better ship her home then.”

The undertaker asked “Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and only spend $150?”

The man said, “A man died 2,000 years ago. He was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead…

… I just can’t take that chance!”

One of the more difficult jobs we may do is working on a ranch. The days are long, and the weather is not always cooperative. Even working with the animals may be enjoyable, but that is hard work, and most people are not typically up to the challenge.

In the following joke, we hear about a man who got hired as a ranch hand. He wasn’t necessarily the person you would first think of as taking on such employment, but he did a good job. That was, until he returned home late one night from a trip into town.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay, and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, ‘You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally, he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

‘Unbutton my blouse and take it off,’ she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. ‘Now take off my boots.’

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. ‘Now take off my socks.’

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. ‘Now take off my skirt.’

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. ‘Now take off my bra.’

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, ‘If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.’

If there’s one thing we love is clever jokes with a simple twist. Sometimes you don’t need a long, and elaborate story to get to a great punchline. You just need a few words and the right situation.

In this joke, we have an Irishman and an Englishman visiting a bakery together. The Englishman thinks he’s pretty slick, but the Irishman shows him up big time with his “magic trick.”

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.

Pexels/furkanfdemir

He says to the Irishman, “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

The Irishman replied, “That’s just simple thievery, I’ll show you how to do it honestly and get the same results.”

The Irishman then called the owner of the bakery and said, “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.”

The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

Pexels/Gustavo Fring

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it.

He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner said, “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”

The Irishman then said, “Look in the pockets of the Englishman”.

LOL!

Pexels/Tim Samuel

If you enjoyed this joke, please pass it along to your friends and family.

The final exam for a class was scheduled from 8:00-11:00 AM At 10 AM, with one hour to go, Little Johnny walks in and asks for an exam: The professor hands it to him but informs him that he still must finish within the hour or he will receive a zero and fail the course. “That’s fine.” Said Johnny, and calmly took a seat and began the test. At 11:00, Johnny had not finished the test. The professor asked for the exam to be turned in.

“No, thank you.” Said Johnny “I’ll finish it. “I’m going to my office to grade these If you don’t turn it in now, you’ll receive a zero. “Okay then.” Said Johnny. At 1 PM, the professor heard a knock on his office door Not very much to his surprise, it was Johnny. “I’m here to turn in my exam.” Said the student. “Sorry, you can’t turn it in now The deadline was two hours ago.

“I understand I just thought it would be okay, you know, because of who I am. “What do you mean?” Asked the professor. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Laughed Johnny “Don’t you know who I am? ”At this point the professor became angry. “It doesn’t matter who you are! You have to meet the same requirements as everyone else! Nobody gets special treatment! “Okay, okay, I get it But you really don’t know who I am? “I have no idea who you are! ”At this moment, Johnny picks up the stack of exams, slips his into the middle and hands it back to the professor. “Have a great summer!” said Little Johnny, and left.

A little boy asked his father a question. “Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies.

But how do they get there in the first place?” he asked innocently. After dad hemmed and hawed for a while, the kid finally spoke up in disgust. “You don’t have to make something up, Dad. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer.”

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue following if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to the K-mart next.