Category: jokes

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up 
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up
her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.

Low grade, but acceptable.” “That’s… that’s correct.”, said the boss, astonished. Another glass… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.”

“Correct!” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Another glass… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results. “Correct!” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.
The director was blown away, but in case this was some sort of hoax, he wanted to put the man to a real test. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
“It’s a blond, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”

A blissful engagement quickly became a nightmare for a woman when her fiancé’s family made an outrageous request that left her rethinking their relationship. A woman loved her fiancé dearly. She thought they were the perfect match – she believed she didn’t want to spend her life with anybody else.“My fiancé proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect, and we are very much in love,” the woman shared. Only two days before their special day, her fiancé approached her with such an outrageous request: that his dad check her hymen in front of his brothers and uncles to see if she was still a virgin. The request sounded absurd to the woman, so she laughed it off. However, she was shocked when her fiancé insisted he was dead serious.He then explained that in his family, the father checks a bride’s virginity the night before the wedding to see if she is still “pure.” Utterly uncomfortable with the request, the woman said she wasn’t sure she would do that.

The man insisted she go through it, assuring her that even his mom had to. “He said it would prove how much I love him,” she revealed. He also gaslit her saying she had nothing to hide if she was indeed a virgin. The woman was in disbelief. She decided to leave, leaving her groom-to-be in tears. “It was very dramatic,” she commented. Part of the woman wanted to call off the wedding right then and there, but she loved the man and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She began considering the strange ceremony, all for the sake of being welcomed into the family. She took shelter at a friend’s place while she tried to decide what to do. The following morning, she went to meet her fiancé to tell him she would not allow the males of his family to examine her, and he needed to respect her decision.The man insisted he needed to go through with it for their wedding to push through. He then accused her of lying about her virginity, given she didn’t want to undergo the ceremony. The entire time, the woman stayed calm and rational about the situation. However, the man started getting aggressive, and the more she tried to explain herself, the angrier he got. “I told him if he really loved me, he would stand by me on this and tell his father no,” the woman shared. She hoped he’d come around and agree, but she was stunned by his reaction.Instead of getting his support, the woman got slapped for saying this. He told his fiancée that he didn’t need to prove anything. Heartbroken, the woman realized this was not the perfect man she once fell in love with. He turned out to be a completely different person, so she decided to call off their wedding. The situation left the woman miserable. She lived with her friend and allowed herself to feel all her emotions before moving on and getting back up on her feet. This story left many people speechless, thinking it was fake until the woman insisted it was true. What would you do if you were in a similar situation?

Several parents shared their children’s homework, that made them tilt their heads and call for help. Fortunately, some Reddit and Twitter users came to the rescue and shared their two cents. The older one gets, the more complex educational work assigned to students gets. However, there are some instances where kids receive complicated homework. When such instances arise, some parents seek the help of the online community to derive an answer for their little ones. Some of them are shared on the Reddit and Twitter platforms.

A mom was puzzled by her first-grade son’s English homework, where he had to encircle the photos that had the same ending sound as a fish’s fin. However, the options available were far from the picture. The available choices included a hamburger bun, a frog, a jar lid, and a spoon. Some Reddit users offered their thoughts to the clueless mom, stating that the ending sound did not necessarily have to rhyme with fin. Some answers included bun and spoon, which both ended with an “n.
“An orchestra of 120 players takes 40 minutes to play Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. How long would it take for 60 players to play the symphony? Let P be the number of players and T the time playing,” the question read. While it may be too complex, one Twitter person replied: “The math is irrelevant in the case of this Beethoven 9 problem. As a performer who has performed it many times, the speed of the symphony is NOT a function of the number of musicians performing it.”

A woman sought the help of the Reddit community after a terrible Thanksgiving dinner at her mother-in-law’s home. Upon arriving at the residence, everyone had already settled into their seats around the table, and no vacant chair was available for her. Beside her husband sat his ex-girlfriend, with whom her mother-in-law is close. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are undoubtedly complex to nurture and nourish, especially if they have been strained for a while. However, one woman may have ruined her relationship with her mother-in-law after a Thanksgiving dinner, where her husband’s ex was present. A 28-year-old woman sought the help of Reddit community members regarding her Thanksgiving situation.

She has been married to her 33-year-old husband, Shaun, for five months, but they have been together for two years. Like many other married women, she also didn’t have the best relationship with her mother-in-law. According to the woman, her mother-in-law was passive-aggressive and would often criticize her.To make matters worse, the mother-in-law had an excellent relationship with Shaun’s ex-girlfriend, Julissa, who still got invited to family occasions. Because of the bond Julissa formed with Shaun’s family over the years, she remained on good terms with everyone, regardless of their breakup. Although it wasn’t ideal, the woman never minded Julissa’s attendance during family gatherings and holidays. However, Thanksgiving dinner changed everything.“We had Thanksgiving dinner at my MIL’s house. My husband, Shaun, went there before me, and when I arrived, it was already dinner time, and all the chairs were taken,” she said.

By the time she got there, her husband and everyone else were already seated and ready to eat. Unfortunately, there were no more seats empty for the woman to take, nor was there space to fit another chair.After asking why her mother-in-law did not save a seat for her, Shaun’s mom apologized and explained that her granddaughter had joined the celebration at the last minute. Admittedly, the woman did not like the answer and gestured towards Julissa, who was seated beside her husband. She claimed that, as the daughter-in-law, she had more right to be at the table than Shaun’s ex-girlfriend. By the time the woman knew she shouldn’t have said those words, it was too late. Her mother-in-law claimed that Julissa was just as much family as the Original Poster(OP).She also noted that her daughter-in-law was rude to think otherwise. While the exchange happened, Julissa nodded and glanced at the woman. The woman said: “I was so upset I wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband’s lap and act as casual as possible. I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it.”While sitting on Shaun’s lap, the woman and her husband started to eat and compliment the dishes. However, the table went into awkward silence when the woman praised her husband’s warm and comfortable lap. Although the woman’s brother-in-law tried to make conversation and make the situation less awkward, the elephant in the room was too humongous to ignore. Meanwhile, the woman’s mother-in-law and Julissa barely touched their food and would look at each other and then at her.

After a few minutes, Julissa excused herself to go to the washroom, and the woman’s mother-in-law followed. The table remained awkward. Still, the woman and her husband ate well. When the dinner ended, the woman and her husband went home. She then received a message from her mother-in-law, calling her out for being inappropriate and ruining the Thanksgiving celebration.The mother-in-law claimed the woman could have taken a chair from the kitchen instead of acting like a child and making Julissa feel uncomfortable. While many Reddit users sided with the woman, a few called out her husband for doing absolutely nothing while the situation unfolded. One person said: “[He should have given] you his seat while he went to fetch another one. In fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. ”Meanwhile, another Reddit user said of the husband, “Why isn’t he managing his mom and shutting down her match making with his ex? Ultimately thus needs to go through him and seemed very passive in all this [sic].”
Do you think the woman did the right thing by sitting on her husband’s lap? What would you have done in this situation?

A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, “I see you have already taken your reward.” The poor man responds, “What are you talking about?” The wealthy man continues, “This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it.” The two men begin arguing, and eventually they go to court to sort out their differences.

Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, “Your Honor, I trust you, you trust me. ”The Judge says, “Of course.” The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated. Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor man who found it. “What are you doing?” the rich man yells angrily.

The Judge responds, “You are, of course, an honest man, and if you say that your missing wallet had $750 in it, I’m sure it did – but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money – otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.” “What about my money?” the rich man asks. “Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $750 in it.

Life is unpredictable. The truth is that we never know what awaits us at the corner and what challenges we would face in the future. What we know is that we are oftentimes forced to make decisions, no matter how hard and challenging that is. A man shared a story of how he wanted to adopt his young sister following the passing of their parents, but that caused tensions in his relationship with his wife. It was either his wife or his sister. To learn how he handled the situation and what decision she made read the text below. “I [28M] have been married to my wife [28f] for 2 years. We do not have kids and we do not plan to. I have a little sister [11f]. Due to the age gap , I am more like another father than a brother.

“My father passed away from pancreatic cancer. There are 2 options for my sister: either I take her in or my uncle [dad’s brother]. So we asked her who she wanted and she chose me. Here is the problem, my wife and I decided that we did not want kids, so she does not want to adopt my sister especially since my uncle can. “But my sister has no parents now and I want to make sure she is able to recover and be healthy and since she wants to be with me, I will not force her to be with our uncle. This is causing a lot of tension with my wife, things escalated and finally told her I am doing this whether she agrees or not, she can either accept it or we get divorced. We have not talked since then. What I can do in such situation?”“I talked with my wife again. She still refused as she does not want kids. So we basically decided to go our separate ways. She said you really are choosing your sister over me. I told her I do not want to go into this discussion again but if that what you want to hear then fine. Yes my sister takes the priority now, I am choosing her over you. “This was our last conversation. I have been living with my sister for 1 week now. Being a single father-ish brother is definitely challenging but I am really enjoying it. “I got separated from my wife. I am taking care of my sister.” Please SHARE this story with your family and friends on Facebook and tell us what you think.

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, “Change your course, 10 degrees west.”
The light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees east.”

The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.” 

He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.” The light signals back, “I’m a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is mad. He signals, “I’m an aircraft carrier.
I’m not changing my course.”
The light signals back a final message: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

An 18-year-old girl believed her mother owed her hundreds of thousands of dollars. When she asked her mother to return the money, her mother refused. The girl had inherited about 125,000 from her grandfather and later realized that her mother owed her almost the same amount. She needed the money to attend her dream school. However, things changed when she talked to her mother about the money. Hearing her mother’s unfavorable response, she had to take the legal route and file a case against her.The girl shared that she had a complicated relationship with her parents, which had worsened as she grew up. Inheriting money from her grandfather further exacerbated her relationship with her mother. She explained, “When I tried to get the money transferred to my college savings, I encountered a problem. My mother. ”She wanted the money to study in her dream college, but her mother had other things in mind. She expected OP (Original Poster) to pay back whatever money she had spent on her through the years. Thus, when OP asked her mother to transfer the inheritance money to her account, she refused. She said the money belonged to her because of all she had done for her daughter. At first, her mother was confused, but she started yelling when OP revealed the total.OP confessed that her mother had always stolen money from her room. She had broken her safe and would cash in the funds OP would win by participating in different sports competitions. Feeling helpless, OP waited a few days before talking to her mother again. Meanwhile, she calculated how much money her mother owed her.

As to how she did this, she revealed: “When I was 13 I had decided to start keeping a notebook of all of the money I had earned.” After adding all the money, OP realized her mother had stolen almost 125,000 from her in the past. She owed OP 250,000, including the money OP inherited from her grandfather.Armed with her evidence, OP marched into her mother’s room to tell her about the money she owed. At first, her mother was confused, but she started yelling when OP revealed the total. She explained: “She started yelling that all of that was hers, since she had spent more than that on my medical bills.”The girl remained patient and asked her mother why she wasn’t doing this with her siblings. Her mother replied that OP was responsible for paying her back because she was the eldest child.Before talking to her mother, OP had copied everything into a file on her computer because she knew how her mother would react. She recalled: “When she took my notebook and papers to destroy, I just added on what the notebook, folder, and papers had cost to the total.” The following day, OP sent an email to her mother, asking her to pay or she would take the legal route. She threatened to sue her for the money she had stolen from her.However, after thinking about her email again, she felt she had gone overboard. She wrote a Reddit post, asking other users if she had done the right thing. Kris82868 assured OP she was not at fault. “Paying for the medical needs of a 4 year old kid is what a parent is supposed to do and a duty,” she explained. OP confessed that she was raised to believe children had to repay their parents once they became adults. She felt she couldn’t repay them later in life because of the ongoing issues.Meanwhile, another Redditor confessed that she would open another account in her name to separate her money from her mother if she was in OP’s place. SunnyBunnyHopHop alsosuggested: “You need to have an attorney review all the information & discuss your available options.” In OP’s updated post, she revealed her father was helping her get the money back. She had opened a separate bank account and got rid of those with her mother’s name.She also shared that her mother confessed her other siblings did not belong to her father. Her mother had cheated on her husband and had five children out of her affair. “So now, she is dealing with a law suit, potential criminal charges, and a divorce,” she revealed. OP thanked everyone for their suggestions and hoped her father would get full custody of his children. She admitted that discussing her problem with other Redditors was very helpful.If you enjoyed reading this story, you might like this one about an old widower who left his $5.4 million inheritance to a lady who wasn’t one of his six children.

A woman faced a dilemma with a family heirloom, an emerald necklace traditionally passed down to the eldest child. Her husband wanted it for his daughter from a previous marriage, leading to a Reddit plea for advice.
The woman, married to Joey for two years, had a family tradition of gifting the heirloom on the child’s 14th birthday.

Her daughter, Emily, was to receive it. Joey suggested giving it to his daughter, Sophia, to symbolize acceptance in their new family. Emily objected, emphasizing the family tradition. Joey accused her of favoritism and involved his family. Reddit users supported the woman, criticizing Joey’s stance and hypocrisy. They believed Emily should receive the heirloom.
This dispute strained their marriage, highlighting the challenges of blending families with different traditions. Reddit users felt her reasons were justified, supporting her decision to give the necklace to Emily.