Category: jokes

A wealthy man walked into a bar in Miami. As soon as he entered, he noticed an old woman, sitting in one corner. He walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted. “Bartender! I’m buying drinks for everyone in this bar, except that woman over there!” The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the old woman. Instead of becoming upset, the woman simply looked up at the guy and shouted, “Thank you!” This infuriated the wealthy guy.

So once again, he took out his wallet and shouted, “Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!” The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the old woman. When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks,

the Old woman simply smiled at the man and said, Thank you!” That made him furious. So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender, “What is wrong with that woman? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and shouts ‘Thank you.’ Is she mad.” The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said, “No, she is not mad. She is the OWNER of this Restaurant.”

An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto and orders a drink.
The bartender, noticing his accent, asks him “What brings you to Canada?

“The Irishman says “Well,
I was in a pub in Dublin and the coaster under my glass said
‘Drink Canada Dry’,
so I thought I’d give it a shot”

A TRUCK DRIVER A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie. Just as he was about to eat them, three big hairy bikers walked in. The first biker grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a big bite from it.

The second biker picked up the trucker’s coffee and downed it in one gulp. The third biker ate the trucker’s apple pie. The truck driver didn’t do anything or say a word as all this went on. When they finished, he just paid the waitress and left. The first biker said to the waitress, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” “He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He’s just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorbikes.”

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune… the Woolworth’s manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Everyone asked a 100-year-old man for his health secrets: The old man said: I’ll tell you a secret. I’ve been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.

I’ve been walking 5 kilometers every day for 75 years !Everyone asked again: But how come your wife’s very healthy as well? The old man answered: I’lI tell you another secret. She’d been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES: A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts “did you find the shampoo?” He answers “Yes but I’m
not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair and I just wet mine. “A blonde man spots a letter on his doormat.

It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”. He spends the next 2 hours, A blonde man spots a letter on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”. He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!” Is this her first child?” asks the doctor. “No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”.

A HORNY BURGLAR !!! A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife’s ear and went to the bathroom… The husband said to the wife “satisfy him or he will k*ll us, be strong.

I love u” Wife said “he didn’t kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and I told him it’s in the bathroom.
eeeeeeee So be strong, I love u too……!!!

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions? ”The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day. “From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor. “No, from skipping.”

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. 

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea… it’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself. “She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it! “He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon The coffin will be closed.

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?’

The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, ‘If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes? ‘The busy flight attendant smiled and said, ‘Did your Mother tell you to ask me?’ The boy said, ‘Yes, she did.’ ‘Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you.”