Category: jokes

A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish.

The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group.

God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.

When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”

Anyone that has ever watched the ABC trainwreck, otherwise known as “The View,” knows that the “ladies” on the panel aren’t exactly the most warm and fuzzy human beings. When they aren’t spreading half-truths and pushing their own far-left agendas, they are race-baiting or making outrageous statements, mostly about conservatives, in order to stoke dissent and attempt to bolster their feeble ratings.

Considering ABC’s parent company, Disney, is desperately trying to unload the failing network, even the bombastic, over-the-top attacks on conservatives aren’t saving the show. Rather than course correct and attempt to reimagine their image and relaunch the show, the ladies of The View continue to spread acrimony and push scurrilous viewpoints.

Recently, one of America’s most visible pop-culture icons of the last 20 years made some eye-opening yet unsurprising claims about Joy Behar.

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was being interviewed by Andy Cohen on the Bravo Network’s “Watch What Happens Live” when Cohen asked her who the rudest celebrity she has met since being in the public zeitgeist is. Her answer floored the host. NOTE: This is borrowed satire

They might not be the flashiest couple, not the most controversial, not the most outspoken, and certainly not the most attention loving, but Keanu Reeves and Alexandra Grant are undeniably adorable.

Keanu and his partner, 54, often make headlines when they step out on a red carpet together, and for the most part almost everything said about them is positive. They’re not the types to do desperate things in order to generate buzz, nor are they guilty of playing up for cameras for better publicity.

No, there’s something undeniably down-to-earth about the couple, which is a notably rare trait in the glitz-and-glam world of Hollywood. They’re genuine and they seem to be very much in love, so it’s small wonder that people are happy every time they make an appearance.

And yet even that’s not enough to stop critics weighing in, apparently.

Keanu and Alexandra recently stepped out at the MOCA Gala, the latter donning a striking teal cut-out dress to contrast with the former’s dark suit and scarf combo, and they certainly turned heads in the process.

There were a lot of compliments sent Alexandra’s way, though there were those who voiced negative opinions over her dress’s presentation.

One person wrote: “Her dress was completely wrinkled. I can’t believe it. I’m just saying, why didn’t she steam it? Why do this?”

Another added: “Well, at least she is a woman; iron your dress.”

“The rich & famous have everything they can want & insist on dressing sloppy. As if to say I’m down to earth. COME ON!!!!” a third said.

“Keanu and his mother,” a fourth cruelly wrote.

The couple’s relationship dates back to 2009, when they first met at a dinner party. The pair eventually collaborated on a book titled Ode to Happiness in 2011, with Reeves as the author and Grant as the illustrator.

Despite keeping their romance private for many years, they made their official debut as a couple at the LACMA Art + Film Gala presented by Gucci in 2019.

Known for their low-key lifestyle, the couple prefers intimate gatherings at home over extravagant events, according to sources close to them, per People. Described as “homebodies,” they reportedly like to cherish their time together and prioritize moments that truly matter to them.

If you like reading about celebrities and would like to see more from Newsner, check out the article below:

Shopping at Walmart is going to look a little bit different in the coming years.

The retailer announced they would be transitioning away from traditional price tags and moving towards digital shelf labels. It’s anticipated to be a “game-changer” not just for Walmart associates, but also for its customers.

In the beginning of June, Walmart announced they had begun testing the technology at one of their stores in Grapevine, Texas.

The experiment proved to be so successful that the company issued another statement just weeks later that the technology would be rolled out to 2,300 of their stores within the next two years.

With Walmart associates walking the aisles every week to adjust prices on new items, rollbacks, and other markdowns, the digital tag will allow them to change prices of thousands of items from a mobile app within minutes.

Daniela Boscan, the Food & Consumable Team Lead in Hurst, Texas, said the digital shelf labels have “transformed” her daily routine.

The technology has increased productivity while reducing “walking time”.

“A price change that used to take an associate two days to update now takes only minutes with the new DSL system. This efficiency means we can spend more time assisting customers and less time on repetitive tasks.”

The digital shelf labels also make it easier to locate items on a shelf, whether it be a product that needs to be restocked or an item for an online order.

Of course with a new pricing system comes some concern. Could Walmart implement dynamic pricing?

It’s getting increasingly easy to subscribe to the feeling that people nowadays can find a reason to be offended by pretty much everything.

While it may be a stretch to label this generation the “snowflake” generation – as some have done – there is a definite sense of change enveloping the world at the moment.

While in some cases that’s a good thing – I mean, there are things that used to be accepted as the norm that have no place in modern society – there are other instances where one can’t help but get the feeling that we’re going a little too far with our need to police one another.

One liquor store in Oklahoma found themselves at this very crossroads after they put up a sign that generated backlash …

While we all want to live in a world where prejudice, hate and bullying have no place, I think we can all agree there’s a difference between stamping out genuinely offensive things, and pretending to be offended to generate some sort of drama.

These days it’s fairly common for people to end up ‘outed’ on the internet for something they’ve said or done. Becoming the controversial center-piece of an online storm really is just a few clicks away …

One liquor store in Oklahoma, Midwest Wine, and Spirits, found this out after putting a sign up in their shop window that read: “Pull your pants up or don’t come in.”

The sign further read: “Try to have some decency and respect for others. No one wants to see your underwear.”

Not that offensive on the face of it, right? I mean, they’re not directly attacking any specific group or discriminating based on political or religious views or anything like that.

Even so, a number of people were clearly angered by the sign, as well as the notion that the store thought they had the right to tell people what they could and could not wear.

It wasn’t long before the sign was uploaded to the internet, where online denizens could continue the debate at large. And continue it they did.

As per reports, the debacle quickly went viral. One of the store’s managers, Chad Gilbert, defended the sign, saying: “I realize wearing pants low is a fashion statemen

An employee at the store added: “Usually, when people come in with their pants sagging, it’s easier for them to steal bottles.”

A local customer of the store, Sunshine Weatherby, commented: “I can see that if it was like a church. There are families there, you might have a problem with that, but this is a liquor store. I’ve seen worse at a liquor store.”

What do you think to the debate? Did the liquor store do anything wrong by putting up the sign? Or are people making too much of it? Let us know in the comments box.

Meanwhile, share tihs article on Facebook to help us encourage healthy debate.

Heather Locklear was a regular face on our TV screens throughout the ’80s and ’90s.

The California-born actress was smoking hot back in the day, and she’s probably best known around the world for playing glamorous Sammy Jo Carrington in the long-running TV show Dynasty.

But did you know that Heather has a daughter? And that her only child looks just like her star mama?

Heather Locklear was born in Los Angeles in 1961 – today, the bombshell of the 1980s has turned 61 and is still going strong.

She made her earliest screen appearances in the early 1980s, landing her big breakthrough with the show Dynasty.

Starring as Sammy Jo Carrington catapulted her to stardom – the young Heather looked like an angel with the real-life face of a Disney princess, you could say.

Sure, some might say that she was just a standard pretty blonde TV actress, nothing special. But her personality on Melrose Place was badass – every time she appeared onscreen, it felt like things got more interesting.

Heather went on to receive four Golden Globe nominations for playing the cold-hearted Amanda Woodward on Melrose Place, so there’s no doubt that she could act. But her career is difficult to fully comprehend without going into her private life.

In the 1980s, Heather was often seen in the arm of rock greats; she was married to Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, who she divorced in 1993, and went on to marry Bon Jovi lead guitarist Richie Sambora.

The couple tied the knot in 1994 at a civil ceremony in New Jersey and then had a formal wedding with family and friends in Paris. The Melrose Place star wore a candlelight white gown designed by Nolan Miller – the same man who created the lavish costumes for Dynasty.

Heather and Richie were married for 13 years, during which they had their only child, daughter Ava Sambora.

Heather Locklear daughter

Ava Elizabeth Sambora was born on October 4, 1997. I think it’s safe to say that she didn’t experience an average childhood. When she was a kid, Ava was often seen on-stage during concerts with Jon Bon Jovi. Sometimes, she introduced them to the audience and even danced with the band members.

Being the daughter of two big stars, her not-so-average upbringing could easily have been a nightmare. But instead, it looks like she turned out fine –Ava is a very smart and highly-educated woman today.

In high school, she loved being a cheerleader.

“I like being thrown in the air! It’s an adrenaline rush,” she told Teen Vogue.

In 2020, Ava graduated from Loyola Marymount University with a bachelor’s in psychology, finishing with a GPA of 4.0. After that, she decided to pursue a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy at the University of Southern California.

The young woman has also dipped her toes into the acting industry, and apparently, has followed in her famous mother’s footsteps.

The 25-year-old made her acting debut in the movie This Is 40, and in 2010 she walked the runway for her father’s clothing line, “White Trash Beautiful,” at Los Angeles Fashion Weekend.

In 2020, she recently shared an image of herself in a dress holding a bunch of tulips. Her post attracted thousands of comments from people who remarked on just how much she looked like her famous mom.

Posing in a leopard-print dress with her long, blonde locks swept back into a ponytail, Ava wrote: “I like flowers,” along with a tag to her friend Sarah Wermers.

One follower commented: “You truly are a stunning beauty, taking after your beautiful mother!!”

In more recent photos and videos, people think that Ava has Heather’s TJ Hooker looks from back in the day.

“My gosh she is her mother, even her voice sounds like Heather’s,” one person commented when Ava was getting interviews by ET.

Others say that while both Ava and Heather are beautiful, they dont see a big resemblance.

Her 61-year-old mom recently took to her Instagram page to share a series of pictures congratulating her daughter on her graduation from LMU.

Overall, the 25-year-old blonde seems like a pleasant young lady who has her priorities straight. She and her mother are said to have a very close bond. The aspiring actress told US Weekly in 2018 that she’d “love to follow in my mother’s footsteps” career-wise.

Her latest acting credit is from 2020, when Ava starred in the independent crime-thriller A Dark Foe with Selma Blair. Hopefully, we will see more of this talented woman in the future!

In addition to her outstanding school results and burgeoning film career, Ava has found her soulmate as well. According to SCMP,  she’s in a relationship with Tyler Farrar, an investment associate at Pacific Partners Real Estate Investments.

The couple have been dating since 2019.

To me, recent images of Ava bring back so many great memories of the ’80s – seeing Ava is like taking a step back in time.

I mean, could you get better looking DNA from parents? Maybe Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber?

It looks like Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora did a great job in raising this young lady. Ava sees very down to earth and mature! Much kudos and love!

Please share if you agree.

Many people who work as a handyman find that it is an interesting job. They never know what they are going to run into from one day to the next and sometimes, they may even be in for a surprise or two.

If there is one thing that any repairman will tell you, it’s the fact that they need to listen to what is told to them as far as instructions are concerned.

If you don’t listen to the instructions, you might find yourself in some trouble and the repairman in this story found himself in a very bad situation.

Laura’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.

“Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog, Bob. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I repeat, do not talk to my parrot!”

When the repairman arrived at Laura’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling.

Finally, the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up you stupid, ugly bird!”

To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Bob!”

SHARE on Facebook if it made you LAUGH 🙂

When we have a big day in our lives, we want things to go as smoothly as possible. Having difficulties on those days can really put a damper on our feelings.

One big day that many people want to go as smoothly as possible is their birthday. The last thing they want on this day is for problems to occur, as they just want it to be a pleasant experience.

The woman in this story experienced a difficulty when her husband lost it at her birthday party. Fortunately, she has a friend who was there for her in a very special way.

Yesterday was my fifty-seventh birthday, and despite what anyone might think, I’m loving this age. I know who I am, I’ve got nothing to prove, and I’m proud of every gray hair and wrinkle.

If my husband, Mike, felt the same way, then it could’ve prevented a lot of heartache.

Mike’s been on this kick lately where he mocks my age every chance he gets. It’s like he thinks he’s some kind of stand-up comedian.

“Oh, Emma, did you forget your dentures?” he’ll say, followed by his annoying laugh. Yeah, real original, Mike.

But I was determined not to let him ruin my birthday. I invited all my friends over, decorated the house, and bought a new outfit. I was so excited until Mike opened his big mouth.

“You really think you can pull that off?” he asked, staring at me in disbelief.

“Of course I can,” I shot back, trying not to let him get to me.

Mike chuckled and shook his head. “Maybe we should get you checked out for dementia since you’re clearly losing touch with reality.”

His words were like a knife to my heart. I wanted to say something cutting in return, but words failed me.

Then the doorbell rang.

My best friend, Karen, was the first to arrive. She immediately complimented my outfit, giving my self-esteem the boost it needed after Mike’s insult.

The house filled with laughter and chatter as everyone else slowly arrived. I was in my element, greeting everyone and making sure they had drinks. But Mike, of course, had to put a damper on things.

“Emma, do you really think you should be drinking that wine? Isn’t it past your bedtime?” he said loud enough for everyone to hear.

A few people awkwardly chuckled, but mostly there was an uncomfortable silence.

I clenched my jaw and smiled through it. “I’ll manage, Mike.”

The party went on, and I tried to ignore him, but he was relentless.

“You’re going to eat that cake? Do you really want to be old and fat?” he said when I reached for a slice.

It took everything in me not to scream at him. Mike’s comments got nastier as the night went on, each one like a little jab to my heart.

“You’re too old to dance, Emma. You might break a hip,” he said as I swayed to the music.

I could see the pity in my friends’ eyes, and it made my blood boil.

“Cut it out!” I hissed at Mike. “Why are you being such a jerk?”

Mike’s face turned red. “I’m giving you a reality check,” he yelled. “You’re too old to act this way, too old to be attractive, too old for me, Emma! Why don’t you just accept it?”

The room fell silent. My cheeks burned, and I felt like the ground had dropped out from under me. Before I could say anything, Karen stepped forward, her eyes blazing.

“Oh, too old for you, right?” Karen’s voice sliced through the tension. “But aren’t YOU the one who can’t do anything in bed without your pills?”

Mike turned purple. I was stunned. How did she know that? I never told her.

Karen didn’t stop. “That’s right, everyone. Mike here can’t perform without popping a little blue pill. And you know how I found out?”

“Because he cheated on Emma with my friend, Linda,” Karen finished.

A collective gasp went up from the guests. I looked around, seeing the shock and disbelief on their faces. My heart pounded as I tried to process what Karen was saying.

Linda, standing in the corner, looked like she wanted to disappear. She was a younger woman, always hanging around our social circle. The betrayal hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was still reeling when Mike’s response hit me like a slap in the face.

“Shut your pie hole!” Mike’s face twisted in anger and embarrassment. “You can’t just ruin my reputation like this!”

I finally found my voice. “Your reputation? What about mine? What about the years of ridicule and humiliation you’ve put me through?”

My voice shook, but I felt a surge of strength as I spoke. The dam had burst inside me. I looked around the room, seeing the support in my friends’ eyes.

It gave me the confidence I needed to make a stand.

“I’m done with your cruelty and your lies.” I jabbed my finger at Mike. “You want to make me feel old and undesirable? Well, here’s a newsflash: I feel more vibrant and alive without you dragging me down.”

Mike stood there, speechless. Linda, trying to slip out unnoticed, caught my eye. I took a deep breath and walked over to her.

“Linda, I don’t know why you did what you did, but I hope it was worth it.”

She didn’t say a word, just looked at the floor and hurried out the door.

The room remained silent as I turned back to face everyone. I felt a sense of liberation wash over me. Karen, always the rock, was right there beside me.

“Let’s go, Emma. You don’t need to endure this any longer,” she said.

“You can’t talk to me like that and just leave!” Mike snapped, grabbing my arm.

My heart pounded with adrenaline as I turned to face him. I felt stronger than ever before and it was past time I put him in his place.

“I’m done with you, Mike,” I declared. “I won’t let you drag me down anymore. I’m leaving you!”

Mike’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, but no words came out. Shock and anger warred on his face, but it didn’t matter anymore. His opinion no longer had power over my life.

Karen put her arm around me, and we headed toward the door. My other friends began to rally around us, offering words of encouragement.

But Mike wasn’t done yet.

“You’ll regret this!” He yelled after me. “Nobody else will want an old hag like you. You’ll end up on the street!”

I laughed and shot back over my shoulder, “Actually, since the cabin is in my name, the worst that’ll happen to me is I’ll end up on a permanent holiday!”

As we left the party, the weight of years of torment seemed to lift from my shoulders. We piled into Karen’s car and drove to my favorite restaurant.

I could never have imagined that there was one last surprise in store for me.

Warm lights, soft music, and the smell of delicious food greeted us as we walked in. We found a cozy booth and settled in, the mood already lighter.

“To Emma,” Karen said, raising her glass. “To new beginnings and to never letting anyone dull our sparkle!”

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread through me that had nothing to do with the wine. Mike’s betrayal hurt, no doubt about it. But it was also a wake-up call.

Looking around at my friends, I realized just how lucky I was. Their support and love had given me the strength to break free and start anew.

Karen leaned over, breaking into my thoughts. “Penny for your thoughts?”

I chuckled. “Just thinking about how grateful I am. For you, for everyone. For finally finding the courage to stand up for myself.”

She smiled warmly. “You’ve always had that courage, Emma. You just needed a little reminder.”

Just then, the door to the restaurant opened, and in walked a tall, distinguished-looking man with kind eyes. He glanced around, spotted our lively group, and waved at us. Karen waved back.

As he headed towards the bar, Karen noticed my gaze linger on him and nudged me playfully.

“Who’s that?” I asked, curiosity piqued.

“Oh, that’s Alex. He’s a regular here, very charming and single,” she winked. “Maybe a new friend for you to get to know?”

I felt a flutter of excitement. Maybe this was a sign of the new beginnings everyone was toasting to.

From that day forward, I embraced my age and my life with renewed vigor. And Mike? He was left to deal with the consequences of his actions, realizing too late that he had lost a woman who deserved far better than he could ever offer.

My journey was just beginning, and I was ready to face it with all the strength and resilience I had rediscovered within myself. And maybe, just maybe, there was room for a little romance along the way.

If you work for a living, then you probably have discussed the cost of living in recent years. It’s a hot topic and one that is hotly debated on social media as well as on the news.

Jesse Watters is a Fox News host who talked about the cost of living and he made a comment that has the Internet talking. It happened on a PBD podcast while he was promoting his new book.

He spoke about people who were working in the fast food industry and in particular, was discussing the wages. That is when he said: “If you’re making $20 an hour to work in a fast-food restaurant, is that six figures?” And people were wondering why he couldn’t do the math.

If you think the $20 an hour is a six-figure salary, then you really are out of touch with reality. The person who was interviewing, Patrick Betz-David came back and said: “No, no, $40,000 a year.”

Waters then said: “So, if your husband or wife is also there, you’re making $100,000 as a family. Both working at McDonald’s.”

Imagine living a simple life in the countryside, tending to your crops day in and day out. That’s exactly the life that farmer Jack led, until a remarkable adventure unfolded right before his eyes.

One fateful day, as Jack was tending to his beloved cornfield, he stumbled upon a collection of mysterious eggs. They were unlike anything he had ever seen before. Excitement filled the air as Jack’s wife Bonnie and their daughters Mary and Gisele joined him in marveling at these enigmatic orbs.

Their once-thriving cornfield now transformed into a landscape of mystery, the family couldn’t help but feel a sense of anticipation. They couldn’t wait to see what would hatch from these peculiar eggs. It was as if they were about to embark on a journey into the unknown.

At first, Jack planned to remove the eggs, fearing they might bring danger. However, his daughters passionately stepped forward, pleading for the fragile lives within to be protected. This led to a surprising revelation – Jack proposed an alternative that left everyone astonished.

Bonnie, initially concerned about potential risks, put her worries aside as the family united to safeguard the eggs. Mary and Gisele showed unwavering dedication, crafting nests out of straw and hay from the barn. Their tenderness towards these mysterious ovoid objects was truly heartwarming.

And then, cracks started to appear on the eggs. The family held their breath as tiny, vibrant peacock chicks emerged. Tears of joy streamed down their faces as they witnessed the sheer magic of life unfolding right in front of them. The once-muted landscape of the cornfield now bursted with surreal beauty.

As much as the family wanted to keep all the peacock chicks, they realized it was not feasible due to limited space on the farm. After much contemplation, they made a bittersweet decision – they would keep two peacock chicks on the farm and entrust the others to a sanctuary where they could roam freely.

Saying goodbye to the peacock chicks was tinged with a sense of loss, but it marked the beginning of a new chapter for the family. The girls continued to care for their two peacocks with boundless love and attention, cherishing the extraordinary experience that had forever changed their lives.

Those mysterious eggs that had once caused worry became the catalyst for a miraculous journey that redefined the meaning of routine on the farm. As the family embraced the unexpected, they discovered that sometimes, in the most unlikely places, life unfolds in ways that defy explanation but leave an indelible mark on the heart.