Author: admin

Lucy had moved in with her son and daughter-in-law, after she lost her husband Ron. She wasn’t ready to live alone after her loss, so she was staying in their house until she was ready.

The rent Lucy was receiving from her own house was going to her son, as Lucy wanted. She explained that it was to show gratitude. As her son, Connor was working as an IT technician, for long hours, Lucy was staying alone with her daughter-in-law, Eve, who was a housewife.

Connor said to his mother that she would stay in the first floor, as he added, “So, you don’t have to worry about your knees and the stairs,” while carrying her luggage.At first, everything was great. Eve was incredibly nice against her, and she was attentive. She was preparing the food, and cleaning the dishes, and refused when Lucy offered her help.But Lucy was trying to help her with every house work. But with time, things changed, where Lucy was doing chores by herself, but her old knees were tired now.Few days before the Christmas arrived, Eve was watching TV, when she called her mother-in-law, Lucy.“Lucy,” Eve started, “After you finish the laundry, please go out and buy groceries for tonight’s dinner and Christmas dinner, too. Nine people are coming over. I’ll give you the money before you leave.”Lucy was shocked, because they were doing the shopping together. But this time, she was not asking, she was ordering.Then Lucy realized that the longer she stays in their house, she will be the maid of her daughter-in-law. She was not a guest anymore.But she wanted to give a lesson to Eve, before she left. As she was coming from a large family, cooking and preparing for many people was something Lucy knew.When the Christmas arrived, the house was filled with the delicious smells of the food Lucy had prepared.When the guests started to arrived, they went into the dinner table. “Aunt Lucy,” said one of the friends of her son, “This food is amazing! Did you cook all of it yourself?”“I did, Ross,” Lucy said with a smile.She saw her son Connor was proud of his mother, after the praising she received. Lucy was happy too, but she was also missing her husband, since this was the first Christmas without her husband, Ron.“Lucy,” Eve said, “I doubted that you would make so many delicious things!”“Thank you, Eve,” Lucy responded, as she had a plan on her mind, to teach Eve a lesson.After the dinner, Eve and Lucy were cleaning the table, while Connor was attending to their guests in their living room. When Lucy looked at Eve, she saw that Eve had a face of envy.The compliments and the people’s enjoying Lucy’s food made her envy. “Lucy, can we talk?” Eve asked later.“Sure,” Lucy said. “What’s on your mind, Darling?”“I didn’t realize how much you do around the house. I’ve wanted to take it easy, so I added it to your load. I’m so sorry.” She said.Then Lucy smiled, as she figured it out that Eve had her lesson. “It’s more than fine,” Lucy started, “I just need you to know that as much as I want to help around the house, I’m old, and my knees aren’t the same anymore.”We make a great team,” Eve said, “Come on, let’s go put your feet up. I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door.

With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?” Grandma that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” What? You’re coming empty handed?”

Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. ’Mummy, I was at the playground, and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look, and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane…’ At this point, Mummy cut him off and said, ‘Johnny, this is such an interesting story; let’s save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.

’At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, ‘I was at the playground, and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look, and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.

A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard thepouf. Before she even had a chanceto be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet and said in a rather stern voice, “Skippy!”. The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, “Dammit Skippy!” Once again the woman smiled and thought “Yes!”. A few minutes laterthe woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, ”Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!”

What makes humanity going and evolving is the way we care for one another. Being there for those in need and keeping each others’ backs should be a trait shared by each and every one of us. Yet, there is this belief that men stand for men more often than it happens between women.

Female friendships can be very strong, but the thing is that many say there is more jealousy and envy present between these types of relations compared to male-to-male friendships. Luckily, that’s not always the case, and the uplifting tweets below prove exactly that. Women do stand for one another when needed and it should always be like that. Sister power!

”5 years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me and said: “You’re a nerd who is obsessed with studying!” I graduated from a good law school and became a successful lawyer. Today, I met my new client who said that she wants to divorce her husband who cheated on her and take everything she can from him. This man turned out to be my ex-boyfriend. I can’t wait to see his face when he notices me in the courtroom, sitting next to his wife, who will rip him off thanks to my help.

A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?”

“Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re going to find where Portugal is.” She gets a map of the state and can’t find Portugal. Then she gets a map of the region and still can’t find Portugal. She gets a map of the city and can’t find Portugal. “I swear Portugal can’t be far. The maid is from Portugal and she comes here to work everyday on her bicycle.”

A farmer decided he wanted to go into town to see a movie. As he was standing in line for a ticket, the ticket agent says to him. “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?” Well,” said the farmer, “this here’s my pet rooster, Chuck. I never go anywhere without Chuck.” “Sir, I’m sorry,” the ticket agent responds, “but we don’t allow any animals in the auditorium.”

Now the farmer is a wily old operator, and he knows how to work around a problem. So, he disappears around the corner and stuffs the rooster down his overalls. Then he returns to the ticket booth, buys a ticket, and walks off to take his seat. On this occasion, he’s seated next to two old women, Maude and Daisy. The movie starts and naturally the rooster begins to get restless.

So, the old farmer unbuttons his fly so Chuck could stick his head out to watch the movie. “Daisy,” says Maude, whispering. “What is it, Maude?” Daisy responds. “I think the guy next to me is a pervert.” “What makes you think so?” Daisy asks. “He just undid his pants, and he’s got his thing out,” whispers Maude. “So, why worry?” Daisy responds, “at your age, it’s not like you haven’t seen one before. When you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. “Well, that’s what I thought,” Maude responded, “but this one’s eating my popcorn.“

Little boy sitting on his step eating candy just as fast as he could unwrap it. A man passing by saw what he was doing.

He said all that candy is not good for you and will spoil your dinner. The little boy said I don’t know about that but said I don’t know about that but my grandpa lived to be a 102. The man said wow you mean by eating candy. The little boy said no, by minding his own business.

Hello? Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is mommy near the phone? No, daddy. Shes upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul. After a brief pause, daddy say but honey you don’t have an Uncle Paul. Oh yes I do, & he’s upstairs in the room with mommy right now. Brief pause. Uh ok then I want you to put the phone down & run upstairs & knock on the door & shout to mommy that daddy’s car just pulled up. Ok daddy just a min.

A few min later the lil girl comes back to the phone. I did it daddy. And what happened honey? Well mommy got mommy that daddy’s car just pulled up. Ok daddy just a min. A few min later the lil girl comes back to the phone. I did it daddy. And what happened honey? Well mommy got scared, jumped outta bed naked & ran round screamin then tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser & now she isn’t movin at all! OMG!!! What about your Uncle Paul? He jumped outta the back window into the pool. But I guess he didn’t know you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of it & I think hes dead! Real long pause! Then daddy says, swimming pool? Is this 486-5732? Lil girl says No I think you have the wrong number.

My wife and I got stuck in an elevator and when we got home, we told the story to our kids.

They just looked at us and said. “Soooo….. …did ya get out? “Soooo….. …did ya get out?” My wife and I looked at each other and made a pact to go ahead and start drinking away their college fund.