Author: admin

A 15-year-old Little Johnny comes home with a Porsche his parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car? ”He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!” “Well,” said the Little Johnny, “this one cost me fifteen dollars. ”The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?” They asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy, “don’t know her name they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars. “Oh my goodness!” Gasped the mother, “She must be a child abuser! Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.

”So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why. “Well,” she said, this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake… He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of J*ck D**iels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke? “The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…”

A guy and his girlfriend were going on a romantic long drive. Suddenly, the guy, who is driving the car pulls up on the side of the highway and starts to take his clothes off. His girlfriend asks, ‘What are you doing? What if someone sees us here?’

The guys tells her, ‘If you want we can go under the car and have our fun. ’She agrees, but asks, ‘What if someone sees us below the car?’ The guy tells her, ‘Then we can tell them that we are checking for a leak in the gas tank. ’So under the car they go, and have the time of their life. Some time later a cop comes and shouts to the couple, ‘What the hell do you think you are doing? ’So the couple give him the answer saying, ‘We are checking for a leak in the gas tank. ’The cop shouts back at them, ‘You should have checked your brakes first. Your car has rolled down the slope!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes. ”The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better! ”The woman said, “That would be okay,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to. ”The woman replied, “That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me. ”So, KAZAM – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you. ”The woman said, “That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine. ”So, KAZAM she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now. ”He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so. “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right. ”To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so. “Fine,” she says, “Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”

“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar! ”So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. “Honey, how’d this all get fixed? ”She said, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake. ”He said, “So, what kind of cake did you bake him? ”She replied, “Hellooooo… Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”

A man returned from work one night and heads straight to the bedroom and started making love to his wife. When done, he went to the kitchen and got some cold water only to find his wife there, also looking for something in the fridge. He asked his wife how did she get to the kitchen so quickly when they had just finished making love.

His wife screamed: “WHAT…..WHAT His wife screamed: “WHAT…..WHAT LOVE?!!! That was my mother in the bedroom, she was tired when she arrived so I let her sleep in our room. Pissed off, she ran to her mother and asked her why didn’t she say anything when her husband was making love to her. Mother replied: “You know me and your husband dont talk”.

Once upon a time, in a world where opulence collided with the injustice of inequality, there lived a young woman named Mary. Her family possessed immense wealth, garnered through generations of success and prosperity. Yet, Mary’s life was a stark contrast to the lavishness that surrounded her. Her parents basked in luxury, reveling in the material comforts their fortune provided. But amidst their extravagant lifestyles,

they harbored a deceitful secret—a secret that deprived Mary of her rightful inheritance after her grandmother’s passing. While her parents indulged in their opulent existence, Mary received a mere annual pittance—a $50 Walmart gift card—as a reminder of the vast disparity between her circumstances and theirs. Living in abject poverty, she lacked even the most basic amenities, like a phone, while her parents recklessly spent on multiple luxury cars each year and jetted off to exotic vacations in the Maldives. The injustice of her situation weighed heavily on Mary’s heart until one fateful day. While her parents were away on a lavish cruise, a letter arrived for her. Addressed in cryptic caution, it bore a warning: “Do not open when they are around.”

Curiosity mingled with trepidation as Mary hesitated for a moment, glanced around, and then tore open the envelope. Her eyes scanned the letter, and her world tilted on its axis with every word she read. “Hey Mary, this is your real…”The sentence trailed off, leaving a cliffhanger that pierced through the veneer of her manipulated reality. Mary’s heart raced, her mind swirled with questions, and a mix of emotions flooded her soul. The letter held the promise of unveiling a truth long concealed, a truth that might unravel the web of deception woven by her parents. In a moment of profound revelation, Mary realized that her life was about to change forever. This letter held the key to her true identity, her genuine legacy—one that had been hidden from her by her duplicitous parents. As the cruise ship sailed on distant waters, Mary embarked on a journey of her own—a quest for truth, justice, and the reclamation of what was rightfully hers. The realization that she might not be bound by the chains of her parents’ deceit filled her with a newfound determination and a sense of purpose. Armed with the knowledge bestowed upon her by the mysterious letter, Mary vowed to confront her parents upon their return, armed not with resentment, but with a newfound strength and resolve. The revelation in that letter was the catalyst for her emancipation—a turning point that marked the beginning of Mary’s journey to reclaim her rightful place in the world. As she awaited her parents’ return, Mary’s heart beat with anticipation, for she knew that this was not just a letter; it was her ticket to freedom from the clutches of deceit, and the dawn of a new chapter in her life—one where her true heritage and identity would finally be revealed and honored.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. HIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand… Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.. “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots. ”He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks. ”He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. “Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. “Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how?

“No problem,” says the man in the corvette, “I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride. ”The man says, “Ok!” They take off and the driver yells back, “Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast.” No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they’re off!

Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: “Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street.” “What’s so weird about that?” asks the other cops. The first cop says, “There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!”