Author: admin

My daughter just phoned me and the conversation went like this!.. Her: “You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?” Me: “Yeah. “Her: “Wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds. “Me: “Right, I’ve done that”, Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion! “Me: “I can see that, yeah.”

Her: “Just behind him, there are two, Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion! “Me: “I can see that, yeah. “Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other! “Me: Okay, I see them.

“Her: “Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there’s a woman gladiator holding a spear. “Me: “Yes! I can see her! “Her: Right..! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office.

He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did this and returned to class. about it. He did this and returned to class. Suddenly there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

“I thought I told you to call your Mum!” she said. “I did” he said, “and she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school”.

Mike: Hey buddy, what’s wrong? Paddy: Just had a big fight with the wife. That woman fights for no frickin’ reason at all. Mike: Why? What happened? Paddy: We were both very excited and were just about to.

Paddy: We were both very excited and were just about to start having s*x. She removed her jeans and then her top, when I asked, “Why are you wearing your sister’s bra?”

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves. The husband says, “No chance love, they’re way too expensive. “Later on in bed,

the wife is just falling asleep the husband falling asleep the husband tries his luck and places his hand on her hip and lower on to her thigh. She turns to him and says. “I don’t think so mate. If you’re not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell ain’t riding it!”

My wife’s mother visited us. We were all in the sitting room chatting. My wife felt like having sx but couldn’t tell me directly so she stood up and pretended she had developed a terrible headache. She went to the bedroom and I followed her shortly.

We had s x and when I came back. We had s x and when I came back to the sitting room, I forgot to zip up. In the sitting room; Mother in law: “How is she nov !” Me: “I’ve given her Panadol. S’e is now sleeping. Mother in law: “That’s good my son, now please CLOSE THE PHARMACY.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman. “The priest said, “What do you mean, almost? “The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped. “The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.

“The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box! “The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”

A man returned from work one night and heads straight to the bedroom and started making love to his wife. When done, he went to the kitchen and got some cold water only to find his wife there, also looking for something in the fridge.

He asked his wife how did she get to the kitchen so quickly when they had just finished making love.

His wife screamed: “WHAT…..WHAT His wife screamed: “WHAT…..WHAT LOVE?!!! That was my mother in the bedroom, she was tired when she arrived so I let her sleep in our room. Pissed off, she ran to her mother and asked her why didn’t she say anything when her husband was making love to her. Mother replied: “You know me and your husband dont talk”.

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nurses are known to be hot to trot. “The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices. “The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are frigid.

“The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse’s husband. He sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was ‘You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary.’ “Then, the telephone operator’s husband calls and sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a telephone operator.

All I heard last night was ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.’ “Later that afternoon, the teacher’s husband calls and happily says, “When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was ‘We are going to do this over and over until we get right.’”

A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. “Did you help him?” she asks. “No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be memory,” says his wife.

“Can’t you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know.” The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes,” comes back the answer. “Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. I love this part……. “Over here on the swing!” replied the drunk.

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills. “The boy quickly replied.
“That’s right, lady.

The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”