Author: admin

A 15-year-old Little Johnny comes home with a Porsche his parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car? ”He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!” “Well,” said the Little Johnny, “this one cost me fifteen dollars. ”The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?” They asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy, “don’t know her name they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars. “Oh my goodness!” Gasped the mother, “She must be a child abuser! Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on. ”So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers.

He introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why. “Well,” she said, this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand…

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.

You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.. “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots. ”He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks. ”He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. “Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. “Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: ‘Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them.

They won’t know the difference.’ The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, As they are walking home the first man says,

‘You know, I think my girl was dead! ‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘Why do you say that?’ ‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her. ‘His friend says, ‘Could be worse I think mine was a witch. ‘A witch ??.. why the hell would you say that?’ ‘Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window….. took my teeth with her!’

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store as they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?” The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer. Since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.

“I can handle that without a problem” the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out the cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

“We use beer for washing our hair” the nun said, “back at our nunnery, we call it shampoo.” Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: “The curlers are on the house.”

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour.

Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? “No problem,” says the man in the corvette, “I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride.

”The man says, “Ok!” They take off and the driver yells back, “Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast.” No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they’re off! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: “Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street.” “What’s so weird about that?” asks the other cops. The first cop says, “There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!”

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed… just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she”s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, she”s pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says hell be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. “Look… lie here on the bed — you” l be thrown right to the floor!” So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. “What,” he says, “are you doing here!?!”The manager calmly replies to the husband, “Would you believe I”m waiting for a train?”

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. he’d never been with a call girl before. But he decides what the hell it’s only twenty bucks.

They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light fashes on them it’s a police officer. “What’s going on here, people?” asks the o몭cer. “I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.” “Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.

A GIRL REALIZED THAT SHE HAD GROWN HAIR BETWEEN HER LEGS. SHE GOT WORRIED AND ASKED HER MOM ABOUT THAT HAIR. HER MOM CALMLY SAID, “THAT PART WHERE THE HAIR HAS GROWN

IS CALLED MONKEY, BE PROUD THAT YOUR MONKEY HAS GROWN HAIR.

“…. THE GIRL SMILED. 
AT DINNER, SHE TOLD HER SISTER, “MY MONKEY HAS GROWN HAIR.” HER SISTER SMILED AND SAID, “THAT’S NOTHING, MINE IS ALREADY EATING BANANAS.”

A man goes into a bakers and asks for 2 bread rolls. The shopkeeper picks them up with the tongs and puts them in a paper bag. He then asks for 2 cakes .. the shopkeeper picks them up with the tongs and puts them in the bag. The man says “It’s nice to see you don’t handle the food”.

The shopkeeper says The shopkeeper says ..”Nothing in my shop is handled by human hand”. He then noticed a piece of string hanging out of the shopkeepers trousers and asks “What is that piece of string for” ? The shopkeeper says ..

”When I need a piss I just pull on the string and it pops out”..”That’s OK” says the man “But how do you put it back”? “That’s no problem”, says the shopkeeper “I just use the TONGS”.

Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a b**r. One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy you look really tired!” His friend replies, “Dude, I’m exhausted, my girlfriend wants s*x all the time! three, four sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours.

I She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do! “A fellow, in his seventies is sitting a few bar stools down from them overhears their conversation. He looked over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says, “Marry her. That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”