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When I was in class 7, I used to ask a lot of questions……! One day, I asked my English Teacher, “Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H……. in Hour, Honour……etc…….?????? My English Teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent”.

(I was even more confused…..?????) During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria in the Cafeteria. I ate all the food and returned her the empty container…..!!!!!!! My English Teacher: What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container. I replied, “Madam, I thought ‘H’ was silent. Dedicated to all English Teachers.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.

If she stayed in Italy he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back.

He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.”

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole……and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again.

The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in.

After a few minutes, he decides to ask them “excuse me, what are you ladies doing? “We’re working” the first blonde replies. “Just the two of you?” He inquires. “Well” the second blonde chimes in, “there’s usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick”

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I’m worried calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I’m worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!

Now everyone’s attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do???? The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and went home.

During a sermon a pastor announced, “If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left. “All the men in the church moved to left except one man.

The pastor was happy there was at least one strong man and asked him least one strong man, and asked him, “How come your wife can’t control you? “The man quietly replied, “It’s my wife who told me not to move.”

Father Is Shocked When He Discovers This Horrifying Letter From His Son. A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands… “Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it! Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Drama this Morning: My wife and I were having a serious quarrel when I said to her…”pack your things and …..”At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop for her to receive the call. It was her dad. The phone was on speaker so I could hear what he was saying.

After the usual pleasantries between father and daughter, he said: “my daughter, I have transferred $1,000,000 into your account, give your husband $500,000 out of it, and you can have the other half.” Am your account, give your husband $500,000 out of it, and you can have the other half.” Am sending one of the parked cars to u and ur husband for family use.

After the good-byes, the call ended, and she turned to me: “you said I should pack my things and do what? “I SAID PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME TO WASH.”. I will iron them when light comes back.

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this mall town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on

this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking… “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than one million…” “Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week.

I’ll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support…” “Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details…” This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. “I’m sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?” The man replied “I’m from the phone company…I came to hook up your phone.”

One is nine years old and the other is four. The oldest boy grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out… The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom? ”The boy replies, “Nope, not for my mom.”

The cashier says, “Well, they must be for your sister then. ”The boy replies, “Nope, not for my sister either.” The cashier has now become curious, “Oh, not for your mom and not for your sister? Then who are they for?” The boy replies, “They’re for my little brother.” The cashier is surprised, “Your little brother?” The boy explains, “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike… ” “And my little brother can’t do either of those things.”