Author: admin

A wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday…At The Club, The Doorman Says, “Hi Jim, How are You?” The wife asks, “How does he know you? Jim says, “Oh dear, I play football with him.” Inside the Bartender Says, “The Usual, Jim? “Jim says to Wife.

“Before you say anything, He’s on the Darts Team. “Next a stripper Says, “Hi Jim! Do You Crave, Next a stripper Says, “Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again?? “The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi…The Taxi driver Says, “Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time….”Jim’s Funeral is on Sunday!!!

Little Johnny was told by his friends that all adults have a deep dark secret and can easily be manipulated. Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, “Mom, I know everything.” Mom shushes him and gives him $10. “Just don’t tell Dad,” she says.

“Hey, it’s working!” thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny, An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says, “Dad, I know everything.” Dad gives Johnny $100. “Don’t tell Mom”, he says. Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says, “I know everything, Mister. “The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says: “Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug.” The Laugh Club.

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can’t speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt & show her thighs to the seller so he understand her.

One day she understand her. One day she wanted to buy banana so, She took her husband to the shop.
(Dont laugh, listen Dirty minds) Because her husband speaks Spanish very well.

Paddy goes to his friend Mike and says… “I’m sleeping with Jack’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
Mike doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees. After mass, he starts talking to Jack.

Asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the Jack gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to Jack… “Paddy is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied. “Jack smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says… “You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago”

A man goes to hell ered. The devil greets him and says “you have to pick your torture, pick wisely because this will be your torture for eternity”. The man goes through hundreds of rooms but can’t decide.

Until he sees a room where a man is sitting on a couch, watching football on tv couch, watching football on tv and getting a blowjob from a cheerleader. The man says “this is what I want to do for eternity!!” The Devil says “are you sure?” The man screams “Hell Yes!”. The devil goes up to the cheerleader and says “You can stop now, I found someone to replace you”.

Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren. Dolly said, “Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous chequeinside. I never hear from them… never receive a thank you message.

“Ruby replies, “I too send my you message. Ruby replies, “I too send my grandchildren a very generous cheque I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit.” “Wow! How come ?”remarked Dolly. “Very simple solution… I don’t sign the cheque.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions’. ‘Like onions?’ “Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’ This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, ‘Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?. The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’A Christmas tree?’
‘Yes – the tree is dead and the balls are just there for decoration.

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold? ”“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.

“Is it going to be a very cold winter? ”“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s definitely going to be a very cold winter. ”The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold? ”“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever. ”“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting wood like crazy.”

Two Italian men get on a bus… They sit down and engage in an animated conversation he lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following.

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time. “You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our s*x lives in public!” “Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta s*xa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi.

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again.

He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he’d be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home.

When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, “I know you were there he maintained his innocence until the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again.”