Author: admin

There is a group of people who have some problems that are very unique. These are the people who are responsible for shaping the next generation and how they handle things is going to make a difference in all of our futures. There are times, however, when all of their efforts fall flat and you just have to smile and hope for the best. That fact is clearly seen in these answers to last year’s GED exam. After you read them, you might just want to buy a ticket on the next rocket ship off of this rock.

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16-year-olds).

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section.’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A.. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an

The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?” A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds she says,

“Eighteen!” Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

“GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!” The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “OK! OK! Just one more chance – what is 2 plus 2?” The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?” Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream… “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

After retiring, I went to the Social Securiy office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’

Female waitresses often face challenging situations in their line of work. Despite some male waiters’ claims, women have to deal with issues they may not even consider. Attractive women, in particular, are often subjected to harassment and unwanted advances from some male customers,

who seem to have only one thing on their minds – and it’s not food or drink. Despite these difficulties, most of these hardworking professionals manage to maintain their composure and provide excellent service with a smile, even if they may be seething with anger on the inside.

However, in this particular joke, the waitress does not hold back in expressing her true feelings and making it clear to one customer what she thinks of his “order.” A man enters a restaurant and gets seated. He notices that all the waitresses are exceptionally attractive. One particular waitress, with a curvaceous figure, wearing a very short skirt and seemingly endless legs, approaches his table and inquires if he is prepared to place his order:

“What would you like, sir?” He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, “A quickie. ”The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, “What would you like, sir?” Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, “A quickie, please.”
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, “Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.’”

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her dad’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.

That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue following if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to the K-mart next.

This young woman ran up to me at the cemetery and said “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?” “Sure.” I said, being the gentleman I am.

As we walked through, she told me that she had tried to ask other guys before me, but no one would do it. What has come of this world, when a man won’t give a hand to lovely lady to walk her through a dark place. “Thank God you’re not like that.” She smiled at me. “I suppose it’s silly, being afraid of cemeteries at my age.” I said “Oh yeah of course. Don’t worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive.

They sometimes say that marriage is a game for the young, but if you ask any older couples, they will tell you that experience matters the most. Think of it this way, when you first get married, you are careful to do everything right. When you are older, you don’t mind doing something wrong on occasion. That fact can be seen in the funniest way when an old man starts a farting contest with his wife.

It’s a moment in time of laughter and love, but it ends with a moment of regret. Read on. An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.’ His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’ A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score…’ After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,

‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’ Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’ Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ‘Is your daddy home?’ Small voice whispered, ‘Yes, he’s out in the garden,’ ‘May I talk with him?’ The child whispered, ‘No.’ ; So the boss asked, ‘Well, is your Mommy there?’ ‘Yes she’s out in the garden too’ ‘The boss asked; ‘May I talk with her?’ Again the ‘No’.

‘Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,’ Is anybody else there? ‘Yes,’ whispered the child, ‘a policeman. Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’

‘No, He’s busy,’ whispered the child. ‘Busy doing what?’ ‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise? ‘It’s a helicopter’ answered the whispering voice. What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. The search team just landed a helicopter, A search team?’ said the boss. ‘What are they searching for?’ Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle … ‘ME’

When couples are younger, or in some cases, young in their relationship, there are certain “activities” they may both enjoy together more frequently than those in longer marriages. In case, you’re still not sure what I’m talking about, it’s s *x. It’s normal for couples to begin their intimate relationships “hot and heavy” only to cool off (sometimes dramatically) after a few years, especially after having kids.

However, the old man in this story has a different problem. You see he’s married to the young, beautiful, wife of his dreams, yet he’s miserable. A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing when a young man walks by and asks him what’s wrong. Through his tears, the old man answers, “I’m in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman. ”Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers,

“You can’t understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love… At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and we have more s* x, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love.” He breaks down, no longer able to speak. The young man puts his arm around him. “I don’t understand. It sounds like you have a perfect relationship. Why are you crying?” The old man answers, again through his tears, “I forgot where I live.”

We live in a society that tends to think of itself as being rather inclusive and they may even think that we don’t judge people any longer. The fact of the matter is, however, many people do ‘judge a book by its cover’ and will size someone up by simply taking a glance in their direction. If you take a moment to look behind the scenes and really get to know somebody, however, you might be surprised with what you find. This type of situation came up when a young farmer moved from North Dakota to Florida. He was just starting out at a job and his boss yelled at him but when you read his reply, you will see why this is the funniest joke you will hear all day.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

“How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”. The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65″.

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’”