Author: admin

A couple is trying to have a baby.

Finally, the blonde tells her husband, “Honey, I have great news! We’re pregnant, and we’re having twins!”

The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, “Honey that’s wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we’re having twins?”

She nods her head and says, “Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!”

2nd jokes: The officer asks her some questions
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What’s 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!”

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband,

“I have a confession to make. I’m not a v*rg!n. I’ve been with one oth*r g*y.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods, the golfer.”

“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that.”

The couple then m@k*s passion@te l0\/e. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks the wife. “I’m hungry. I’m calling room service.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.” “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?” “He’d come back to b*d and d0 !t a seco*d t!me.”

The husband drops the phone and m@k*s l0\/e to his wif* a s*cond ti*e.

When they finish, he goes back to the phone. “What are you doing now?” she asks.

“I’m still hungry, so I’m going to ring room service for some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.” “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to b*d and do it one m0r* ti*e.” The husband puts the phone down and heads back to b*d.

Exhausted after the third lov*maki*g ses*ion, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to f!nd out wh@t’s p@r-for this h0|e”

Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.

In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.

The first baby says “I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here”.

The second baby says “I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here”.

And the last baby says “I want to be a hunter,

because if that damn snake comes back in here i’m going to cut it off”.

One day I accidentally overturned my  golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied.

“Phil, forget your troubles Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “But I don’t think my wife would like it”.

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very hot and persuasive and I was weak.

“Well OK,” I finally agreed, and added, “But my wife won’t like it”.

After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my hostess.

“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset”.

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won’t know anything

By the way, where is she?”

“Under the cart” I said.

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away.

But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed.

“Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.

With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.

Then, finally, she says, “You.”

If you work for a living, then you probably have discussed the cost of living in recent years. It’s a hot topic and one that is hotly debated on social media as well as on the news.

Jesse Watters is a Fox News host who talked about the cost of living and he made a comment that has the Internet talking. It happened on a PBD podcast while he was promoting his new book.

He spoke about people who were working in the fast food industry and in particular, was discussing the wages. That is when he said: “If you’re making $20 an hour to work in a fast-food restaurant, is that six figures?” And people were wondering why he couldn’t do the math.

If you think the $20 an hour is a six-figure salary, then you really are out of touch with reality. The person who was interviewing, Patrick Betz-David came back and said: “No, no, $40,000 a year.”

Waters then said: “So, if your husband or wife is also there, you’re making $100,000 as a family. Both working at McDonald’s.”

“OK, that’s crazy. That is crazy. Because that job really doesn’t require much. So, it’s inflating the entire, you know, labor sector and the Happy Meal.”

The video went viral when it was posted on Twitter.

It didn’t take long before the commenters started doing the math for him. He claims that $20 an hour is the average salary for those who work in the fast food industry but the average salary is actually closer to $12. It also depends on where you live and the experience you have.

There has been some discussion about a floor for fast food workers, so that they are making at least $15 per hour. Again, this has been successful in some states and a few cities, but it has not been implemented on a countrywide basis.

Something else that Watters said is that he implied that people who work in the fast food industry make too much money. He said: “That job really doesn’t require much, that’s crazy!” That was in reference to fast food workers making $40,000 a year.

Working in a fast food restaurant is demanding and you are working in a stressful environment. Customers are coming and going constantly so it is not an easy job or one to look down on.

That isn’t even to mention the rude people who you might have to deal with daily. Just do a search on social media for videos of rude customers and you will find plenty to watch.

This is one of those debates that is going to continue but until it is resolved, if it is ever resolved. Until then, it’s going to be interesting to watch.

An elderly man goes to the doctor.

He says,

“Doctor, I’m having a problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me, since they’re always silent and odorless. Matter of fact, I’ve farted 10 times just waiting for you.”

The Doctor says,

“Take these pills every day for a wee, and then come back and see me.”
A week later, the man complains,

“Doctor, I don’t know what you gave me, but my fatts smell horrible now!”

The doctor says,

“OK, now that your sinuses are clear, let’s check your hearing.”

An elderly man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.

But each time he tried, it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: ‘WW’, ‘WA’, ‘PP’ and ‘ATR’.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom.

He thought “Wow,these gals really have it nice.”

So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

“Aha” he thought, “no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services.”

So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation.

A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

“Man, this is great,” he thought as he reach out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off.

Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.

He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained,

“Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button. By the way, your pen!s is under your pillow.”

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away.

But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she pauses for a moment and then confesses. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.

With a tear in his eye, he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”

She calls Florida immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

She hangs up. Earl hangs up his phone as well and turns to his wife Maxine. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.”

A Cracker Barrel restaurant in Connecticut faced backlash when a customer noticed what looked like “nooses on the ceiling.” The restaurant issued an apology for the decorations, explaining that the items were not actual nooses but wrapped cords used as decor. However, the chain admitted it was unacceptable that the resemblance was overlooked before display.

Twitter user Alfonso Robinson posted images, questioning the noose-like decorations. Cracker Barrel responded that the cord was part of an antique soldering iron exhibit.

The restaurant swiftly removed the item. Activists had a productive talk with the manager, acknowledging that perspectives differ based on experiences.

While some users urge a comprehensive decor review, Cracker Barrel emphasized its commitment to inclusivity and the removal of the mistaken display. They acknowledged the need for better scrutiny in the future.

The incident emphasizes the importance of sensitivity and awareness in decor choices, ensuring they uphold a welcoming environment for everyone.

We all know that getting the last word doesn’t always mean you have the right word. Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we don’t know how things will end.

One man learned this the hard way when he decided to give his sassy wife a piece of his mind. He thought he had it all figured out, but little did he know, his wife had a surprise in store for him.

This is one of those stories that will make you laugh and make you think. It serves as a valuable lesson that we should never underestimate someone who has a chip on their shoulder.

In a letter to his wife, the man expressed his needs that his wife, being 57 years old, couldn’t fulfill anymore. He reassured her that he valued her as a good wife but announced he would be spending the evening with his 19-year-old secretary at a hotel, promising to be home before midnight.

But little did he expect the cunning response waiting for him when he got home. On the dining table, he found another note written by his wife.

In her own clever way, the wife thanked him for his honesty about her age and reminded him that he was also 57 years old. As a math teacher at the local college, she revealed that she would be at a hotel with Michael, one of her 19-year-old students who was also the assistant tennis coach.

With a touch of mathematical humor, she pointed out that they were in the same situation, except for one small difference. 19 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 19. Therefore, she would not be home until the next day.

This sassy and intelligent response left her husband speechless and reevaluating his actions. It’s a reminder that revenge, when delivered with wit, can be incredibly satisfying.

Beyond the humor, the story highlights the importance of mutual respect and understanding in relationships. One cannot simply pursue a younger companion and expect everything to remain the same at home. The wife’s response is a lesson in self-respect and navigating the complexities of marriage with grace and humor.

In conclusion, age is just a number, and the ability to come up with a sharp comeback is timeless. Let’s raise a metaphorical toast to all the math teachers and clever spouses out there who know how to tackle their problems with wit and style. Here’s to our sassy and witty wife, who keeps it real and classy, one clever note at a time.