Author: admin

Three men are trying to cross a river. The first one prays and says, “Please give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! He grows huge arms and legs and swims across the river.

The second man prays and says, “Please give me the strength and ability to cross this river.” Poof! A rowboat appears in front of him and he rows his way across the river.

The third man, seeing what the others have done, prays and says, “Please give me the strength, ability and intelligence to cross this river.” Poof! He turns into a woman. At that point, she looks at a map, walks down the bank and uses the bridge to cross the river.

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said,

“Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I gave it to myself.

It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose ‘Carmen’” “What’s your name?” she asked. He answered “B. J. Titsengolf.”

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong. “Well,” replies the man,

“when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.” “Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that too much,” says his friend.

“I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years.” “That’s not the problem, ” the groom says. “She gave me $20 change!”

When it comes to jokes, we all tend to have our own personal likes and dislikes. Some of them tend to make us crack up and others just put a simple smile on our face. One of the times when we tend to laugh the most is when something unexpected happens. There are times when we see the punchline coming, but if we don’t, it can really get us going.

That is why we are so happy with the joke below. It starts out funny but it gets even better as you go along. A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife:

“Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there. The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four, you’re right.

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, “I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.” The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest.

She says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.” The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest cleavage.

An elderly man has owned this large farm in Louisiana for many years. Right at the back of the farm, there is a large pond that is ideal for swimming. The old farmer fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening, the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hasn’t been down there for a while. Before setting off, he grabs an empty bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit. As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly, some people are having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are obviously skinny-dipping in his pond. He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately, they all swim over to the far end. One of the women shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave, mister!” The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.” The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!”

After driving for about sixteen hours a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.

“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger. “Yeah, it’s 4:30,” answers the trucker.He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.

“It’s 4:40!” yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: “I DON’T KNOW THE TIME”, and sticks the paper in his windshield. But he is awoken again… “It’s 5:25!” another jogger yells at him.

A blonde is swimming in a river.

A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?”

She says, “I’m washing my clothes.”

The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing machine?”

The blonde says, “I tried that, but it was too dizzy.”

One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed. We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?” Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She saw my puzzled look and said, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I decided to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her “we’ll just buy them all”. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing ecstatic satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!”

Then I said, “Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Three men are trying to cross a river. The first one prays and says, “Please give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! He grows huge arms and legs and swims across the river.

The second man prays and says, “Please give me the strength and ability to cross this river.” Poof! A rowboat appears in front of him and he rows his way across the river.

The third man, seeing what the others have done, prays and says, “Please give me the strength, ability and intelligence to cross this river.” Poof! He turns into a woman. At that point, she looks at a map, walks down the bank and uses the bridge to cross the river.